The Brooding Tree


No matter where future takes me, I know life can never be easy. All the hardships I am seeing myself through...the sun, the rain. The patience and the perseverance, the fatigue, the failure and the frustration...headaches and heartaches...All that running about for one silly thing that went wrong. All the sweat...this disappointment. If i oversleep for a damn fifteen minutes the entire day goes bad. Not rare are the days at the end of which i would have set my
gtalk custom message as "life sucks", had i wanted to. I have misunderstandings and quarrels, situations which have me howling and screaming like i have lost my senses...followed by pillow biting sequences...bouts of taking wrong decisions, and facing their consequences, running from place to place with utter hopelessness, losing so many things on the way. I have a long series of problems to be tackled every day...so many things to be brooded over. Shame and denial
to be looked at in the eye.

And amongst all this there is one subtle realisation that I have begun to live like a machine. Life is as static as that of a vegetable, despite all this crazy panademonioum. Living has been reduced to mere existence. I am not going anywhere...despite all the running.


One more thing. What has changed about me? I have learnt to defend myself, against myself. I have grown an innocuous sense of acceptance of myself as what I am, without any further changes. Gone is the desperation of a nevereneding improvisation of my skills and knowlege. I have great sympathy for myself. I spend hours in balming my own wounds, singing to myself. Laziness holds the strings of my life, and I am a great sleep lover as ever.


This i realise is a part of building the person, i would be five years hence. That's all!

5 comments:

................your's entirely said...

everyone i come across these days is so 'not at peace' with himself.is this some kinda trend?coz i m getting sucked into it too !!

it might sound didactic but try n enjoy this existence...it's a blessing in it's own strange way

vitruvian said...

hey...
nice tempo of life u have from what u write....
we all can actually find it in our own lives...but some of us are just too entrenched to move around and look for it...
realy like ur post...
cheers!..

Rakesh said...

Hi,
Saw your comment so just came to look at ur blog...
Well, life is dificult for everyone..
everyone keeps on fighting continously. But it doesnt mean tht we stop living..
It all depends on us how we want our life to move on.

just cheer up!!!

anirudh said...

sleep knows no worries..no probs..nothing,..too innocent it is..!

wildflower said...

@ Everyone...
It is this problem about life...that keeps the fires burning...otherwise all of us would have grown a fat tummy full of contentment & complacency...

@ anirudh...
I can't agree more!!!
wish i could sleep day in and day out :D