there is this guy in my class. i dont even know his name for sure. it could be some name starting with s. from the very first day when i entered the class, i looked for good faces as i have always done in the past. my eyes froze with his. but somehow i tried not to let him know that i had liked it.
we all know it happens. we all know shit happens. 'so girl, wind up! enough forthe day, shirk him off your brains', i cajoled myself. my friend told me that he had talked to her the other day. now this friend of mine being very beautiful, it's generally the case of guys coming upto her and talking to her and stuff. so i sighed some relief breathing into myself...' oh! just another guy then!'
the class ended. i walked home for weekend. i plugged in my earphones. walked the road, alone in the evening. and to do away with the fatigue, i closed my eyes for a brief while while listening to one of my all time favorites.
and after a minute or two when i opened my eyes, i was aghast. 'o my god! i was thinking about him, what is this? have i gone crazy? o my god, i was supposed to be a grown up by now'
then as saturday ran out, i watched more and more of TV. read a novel half through. and sunday, i got up at noon. ran errands, changed the water in the acquarium, did all sorts of stuff, until one quiet moment i sat down with myself and flashes of his smile ran before the eyes of my mind. and it was then that i couldn't help slipping into some indulgence. ' o c'mon, it's just a face.
mind needs a face to feed upon right? nothing wrong with it if you don't fall for him...carry on!'
monday morning, when i entered class, almost automatically my eyes scanned all the faces and stopped for a second at his. and i felt a pinch at my heart when i realised that he was already looking at me. but then that was quite natural, isn't it? anyone would normally look at the door if a latecomer standing there whispers 'may i get in?' or something like that.
so there is nothing like he-liking-me or any bullshit. i walked to an empty chair straight. and it happened to be next to his. there really was not another single empty chair in the class. or if there was, it was invisible to me.
a minute later even before the first question was written on the board, he screamed some answer. and this shook off the rest of the sleep in my eyes. i get a complex from the people performing better than me. and i find it hard to accept failure.
thankfully, whatever answer that was, it was wrong. i heard him gasp in pain. so i relaxed a little, and told myself, ' what does he think of himself huh!'
but this was not to last. he was the first person to answer almost every question correctly. and this was somewhat unbelievable to me. i would not even try a question or two thinking it to be of no use. anyway he would blurt the answer out in a couple of nanoseconds.
i felt crippled and pathetic. and all the more impressed.
later, to some question, Mr. whatever was obviously the first to answer. But i came out with some answer different from his and shouted it aloud. And then he looks at me. okay, let me confess, we look at each other. our eyes meet for the first time and he smiles and says "yeah..your's is the correct one!"
when the teacher asked who had given the correct answer, he says"yes sir, the both of us."and smiles again.
'what? what did he just say?'
later wherever i go, i find him. and the fun part is that before i find him out, he already would have found me out. the day's kinda ridiculous.
in the garage, he asks me about studies in general. he asks me, not my beautiful friend! how can that be?
anyway, i never let anyone go who asks me about studies. i blurt out all my frustration almost in one long breath. and than after this all he smiles. i hold back, 'may be he would like to ask something else'.
nothing happens. we leave.
the next day, again the empty chair next to him becomes mine. and the entire class i try to concentrate and remove him completely from my peripheral range of view. i had been almost successful.
while we leave, my friend says, "the guy next to you...i guess he's got a tiny something for you."
"err...a tiny what?"
"come on, don't be an @$$. I caught him staring at you almost ten times", she giggled...!!!
And then I got home and wrote two poems f0r him.
It was a black and white picture. Now I have it framed and it sits on the wooden showcase in my living room. To its right I have placed the vase that you’d given me then. It has no flowers. So that just the vase reminds me of you every time I look at it.
There is nothing much around the place such that whenever I sink into the couch and kill a pillow between my arms, all I can see is the black and white picture.
And you are staring out of it. I look at you and our eyes meet. And my mind travels back to the days when we’d just a few days in hand. The look on your face is that of suppressed laughter. You played safe, not knowing when the camera would click.
I look at the glint in your eyes. A glint that sometimes feels like everything to me.
But I can’t look into your eyes for a moment longer. I couldn’t then. And I can’t now. I start shaking and my hair stands up. I lower my gaze.
And there's me. Not looking at the camera but at you.
It was near my computer, remember? I didn’t know when you’d popped up.
‘We’r gonna get our picture done? WoW! Lemme do my hair…!’
‘Please…one minute..okay…fifteen seconds?’
And then suddenly you rushed to my side, asked me to face the cam and smile. In my chair, you standing beside me, I was still looking up at you and complaining, and it got clicked.
And that second froze forever. For me to sink into my couch and stare at it years later.
Your hands quietly lay on the rim of my chair. Felt like you would never let go.
Felt like one dream that should have come to true.
There is nothing much around the place such that whenever I sink into the couch and kill a pillow between my arms, all I can see is the black and white picture.
And you are staring out of it. I look at you and our eyes meet. And my mind travels back to the days when we’d just a few days in hand. The look on your face is that of suppressed laughter. You played safe, not knowing when the camera would click.
I look at the glint in your eyes. A glint that sometimes feels like everything to me.
But I can’t look into your eyes for a moment longer. I couldn’t then. And I can’t now. I start shaking and my hair stands up. I lower my gaze.
And there's me. Not looking at the camera but at you.
It was near my computer, remember? I didn’t know when you’d popped up.
‘We’r gonna get our picture done? WoW! Lemme do my hair…!’
‘Please…one minute..okay…fifteen seconds?’
And then suddenly you rushed to my side, asked me to face the cam and smile. In my chair, you standing beside me, I was still looking up at you and complaining, and it got clicked.
And that second froze forever. For me to sink into my couch and stare at it years later.
Your hands quietly lay on the rim of my chair. Felt like you would never let go.
Felt like one dream that should have come to true.
A dusk
Sunset has colored the sky
And we're biking into infinity
A speed so high
That I cant breathe anymore
That the wind pierces into my skin
To breakfree
I let my hands off your shoulders
Stretch them out and scream our names
I wait
For my voice to strike a mountain
And come back to me
But sad
Our names get lost in the air
I bite my lips & you turn back
Your small eyes
A spark of mischief in them
And you gimme goosebumps
I die
When your lips twist
And the smile reaches the whole of your cheeks
Later
I smile to myself
And I pat my back, I've loved a rebel
Sunset has colored the sky
And we're biking into infinity
A speed so high
That I cant breathe anymore
That the wind pierces into my skin
To breakfree
I let my hands off your shoulders
Stretch them out and scream our names
I wait
For my voice to strike a mountain
And come back to me
But sad
Our names get lost in the air
I bite my lips & you turn back
Your small eyes
A spark of mischief in them
And you gimme goosebumps
I die
When your lips twist
And the smile reaches the whole of your cheeks
Later
I smile to myself
And I pat my back, I've loved a rebel
Dini
“Dini… the sides of your chapattis aren’t baked at all…c’mon this way your mom-in-law will throw you out of her house…”
“And Dini, what is this? You’re getting darker by the minute. I’m getting Garnier Sun Block for you, and you’re having to wear that... okay?”
“What the hell Dini. Facing the computer day in and out, your glasses are getting thicker. I won’t take you to the doc this time around. Nor would I let anyone take you. One should pay for her actions…”
“Be a girl Dini…what is that bird’s nest doing on your head hun? Want to make your hair look like Shakira’s hun? The next thin’ I’m gonna make sure is that poster of hers goes straight to the dustbin…!”
“Wear clothes Dini honey. Not leaves. And I don’t include three-fourths when I say clothes!!!”
“Dini honey, no more chewing gum at home, promise me…sweetie”
“And who is it that you’re stuck to on the phone every night? Not some guy I suppose?”
“Next time we’re having relatives, do me a favor. Fold your hands and utter a namaste before I beg you to. It’s so embarrassing for me to ask you.”
“Dini, leave that paint brush alone, that hasn’t earned you anything in life. And it’ll neither do in future…I bet!”
“Seven mugs of coffee a night will render you insomniac. You know what kinds of health problems await you when you’ll be my age?”
“Your inbox is overflowing Dini. Who’s maddy? And Abby? And all these people I don’t know? Have sane friends please. Call them home for dinner. I’ll tell you which ones not to keep. Bad company is the worst thing that can happen to you now.”
“And stop speaking like Meg Ryan after you’ve seen Harry met Sally for the umpteenth time. We shall have to incinerate the DVD otherwise…”
“Dini…”
“Are you listening to me…? Or just nodding with earphones plugged in? Hmm
??”
“And Dini, what is this? You’re getting darker by the minute. I’m getting Garnier Sun Block for you, and you’re having to wear that... okay?”
“What the hell Dini. Facing the computer day in and out, your glasses are getting thicker. I won’t take you to the doc this time around. Nor would I let anyone take you. One should pay for her actions…”
“Be a girl Dini…what is that bird’s nest doing on your head hun? Want to make your hair look like Shakira’s hun? The next thin’ I’m gonna make sure is that poster of hers goes straight to the dustbin…!”
“Wear clothes Dini honey. Not leaves. And I don’t include three-fourths when I say clothes!!!”
“Dini honey, no more chewing gum at home, promise me…sweetie”
“And who is it that you’re stuck to on the phone every night? Not some guy I suppose?”
“Next time we’re having relatives, do me a favor. Fold your hands and utter a namaste before I beg you to. It’s so embarrassing for me to ask you.”
“Dini, leave that paint brush alone, that hasn’t earned you anything in life. And it’ll neither do in future…I bet!”
“Seven mugs of coffee a night will render you insomniac. You know what kinds of health problems await you when you’ll be my age?”
“Your inbox is overflowing Dini. Who’s maddy? And Abby? And all these people I don’t know? Have sane friends please. Call them home for dinner. I’ll tell you which ones not to keep. Bad company is the worst thing that can happen to you now.”
“And stop speaking like Meg Ryan after you’ve seen Harry met Sally for the umpteenth time. We shall have to incinerate the DVD otherwise…”
“Dini…”
“Are you listening to me…? Or just nodding with earphones plugged in? Hmm
??”
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