sloshed.

My Dear Daughter,

I don't know if you will ever read this, but right now I have to make a confession, to you.This moment, 1:06 pm, July 11th, 2010, I hate myself. And I want you never to become the person I am now. Because until yesterday I always thought being like me is the best thing, wild & free. But looks like those things lead to bad things that make you write to your future/non-existent daughters. So I am making a correction.

I have driven my life to a point from where I have nowhere to go. I am not depressed. But honestly, I know no direction in which I can head. I am not confused, I am sure that I have reached rock bottom. And so I am writing this letter to you. Become anyone but me, sweetie.

Following free will is good I thought. I never drew lines because I found drawing lines the hardest thing. I dictated the rules of my life. Or rather I had no rules. But that I realize is not the best idea. I have so many skeletons in the closet that it will burst open any moment now. And no matter how liberal you are, and however determined you are never to regret, never to be guilty of your actions, you wouldn't be able to help yourself.

I don't know if one day you will be for real, because I have begun believing that I don't deserve good things like you in my life. But one day, if I have you, if at all, we are going to have this long conversation, we are probably going to draw some lines for you. Probably.

Love,..
Your future Mom..

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

the very same feeling that i have right now. exactly the same feeling. i wonder why every time i go read your blog i see myself in your words. had I been as creative as you I could written the same things to my future/non-existent daughter.

i wonder if that time would ever come though...

hope all will be fine. hope all is fine.

Vagabond said...

everybody deserves to be looked after,to be cared for...
everybody has the right to be wrong...

this is a rare post, never read anything like this before..

it really will be interesting if your daughter reads this..i hope she does.

take care.

SammY said...

Am pretty sure u will hav such gud things in life coz i ko it 4 a fact n trust me ur gonna get hope coz ur 4 real :P may bbe u hit rock bottom, may be struck,. but trust me, wen u get to c the other side u will feel it unreal but true,. Time to mov onn to happy mode :)n ur future gen s gonna read dis post,. Cheer \m/

wildflower said...

Anonymous..
hope doesn heal anymore.

Vagabond..
interesting? :D okay..may be..!

Sam
thanx buddy..!

arvind said...

if u nt draw that line - then me might..one is enough - with so much of sensitivit..

what's wrong in this world - to live idiotic; its not for u - but on the compassion on the people around..

me hearing the wedding bell..
will be always there to invite that junior..

................your's entirely said...

Heyyyy....what is this? Why are u so dejected?
I am no one to ask but it bothers me....take a long hard look...life is not that bad...most things don't work out the way we want them but still...

More than the outright brilliance of your post (as always)I am concerned about your state of being now...

wildflower said...

..your's entirely
:) this disappointment has seasoned, over the years, life aint bad, it's me who is..strangely enough I am happy to see your concern..

$uch! said...

don't draw lines by ur own, discuss tat with ur hubby, m sure u don't want to be a single mom :P

Ritika Gupta said...

i just hope i had the flair of expressing things that clearly.. but hope is not dat gud a thing also..

wildflower said...

@ S
:P .. like evrythin this too will work out accordin to the PLAN..! and we will be ideal family! :P

@ Ritz
it's kind of a curse too..you face unwanted questions from unwanted people!

Rajita said...

Wow..you have penned down my feelings verbatim..
I really like the honesty in all your writings

The Rain Crab said...

Life is a bottomless pit wild...Somehow, we keep falling and reach the "rock bottom" only when our "body" is ready to rot!

You are for real, your beautiful fall is for real! keep falling... make the travel worth it wen you reach the bottom! ;)

cheers!

wildflower said...

Rajita..
honesty is a gud vent, try it if you think I am writin your feelins..!

Rain..
& your words ar lovely :)

arvind said...

a gift is always sure for you and the junior.. me will surely send..
take care..

Anonymous said...

LOVE is beautiful, wonderful & amazing.You feel its the best thing in the world; Until it happens to your daughter!
-Shakespeare.

wildflower said...

Hey Anonymous,
you are too intelligent to be Anonymous.. ! ;)

Boobesh said...

all this good wills and encouraging words in this virtual world from these lovely people.does it makes any difference to your aching heart?

Zave said...

I'm sure you are entitled to much more happiness in your life, after all, how many would realize their mistakes, if at all I can call them so?