It's a dark deep tunnel. This tunnel is all that is. Look closely enough, and you shall see. Make it out. Its vague outlines, its hot painful breath. With which it shall swallow us all. Each one in its own specific way. But it does. I hope it does. Because I don't want to be the only one dealing with it. Some of us get past it. They see the world beyond, be happy, cheerful. Some others just float in the gravityless air of this tunnel. I am one of those some. I have been floating for quite a while now. Ever since I can remember I see myself floating in this deep dark tunnel. Flapping my hands, searching for the walls. My feet feeling the groundless sway and shivering in that fear. My shrieks, echoing and finding their way all the way back to me. There has been no past, no future. Only this looming present. I look down, I see flashes of light. But then that's it.
I have come to know that, that light is an illusion. I can't make it through. Through this. I am going to let it swallow me.
Because I can't try anymore. I just can't. Cannot. Part of me, doesn't even want to. I am too tired. Exhausted for life. Exhausted to live. Whatever the consequences, be. Whatever the end, becomes. I just can't do this anymore.
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“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” ~ Oscar Wilde. It's perfectly ok to just exist, I think.
Happy (belated) birthday!
But consciousness is not. The awareness that I live, is inescapable. Light is the closest analogy to what consciousness does. Light of a torch or light of the sun can as well be the power of one's awareness over varying areas.
Then the stages of consciousness; from body-awareness to the pure-awareness. In between lies the degrees of knowing and its accompanying states that the learning effects. Higher one advances, the true nature of the self gets revealed, which is being indifferent to both sorrow & bliss. It just is.
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