Mekong

One night, every couple months, I sleep to see an enormously real dream about you. It is so surreal, I do not have words. This is not a joke. Not a by a long shot. A decade old lover just cannot hang in there, so deep in my subconscious. And refuse to leave, like you're putting me through this. When did you get so deeply embedded in my head, Mekong. I fail to understand. My memory rarely fails me. We abandoned each other, remember? We broke each others' hearts. We were battered, agreed, but all set for separate lives. And it was eras ago. What are you still here? 

The dreams bring you so close to me, they erase the many lives I've lived after you so easily, so conveniently. It is an escape, let me confess, because I've had to struggle through these many months and years. Life, had I chosen you, and you me, may have been easier. But who knows? May be I am cursed and I would gotten my curse along to you. Perhaps you're saved from me, Mekong. What do you know.

Then again these hallucinations - I have no control over. I sleep in anxiety splitting my mind between work and home. I live in such misery, I wonder sometimes why am I even alive. My subconscious sprouts in utter self-defense. And takes me hundreds of miles from where I've travelled to in space and time. And I see you and I sitting together in the park, on a random Sunday, growing old together, like we never separated for a day. I am taken by random incidents of our days, our casual happy lives. 

It's like a parallel life. A parallel universe. So much so that I am misguided to believe that this life is the dream and that is what is real.  

Later I wake up with numerous aching questions. If you and I were meant to be, then why aren't we? Why weren't we?

Will I get to swirl in your cloudy waters, one day? Accompany you from mountains to oceans. As you gather and split yourself from and to tributaries? Will I get a chance to build myself again, with you. If not in this life then, may be in another.