All of it still lives
the innocence in my eyes
the undying patience to see you home
i still cage vivid memories of your face
the promises that you silently made
the assurance in your voice, when we met last
the way my heart paced
when your fingers slipped out of mine
the one final time....
nothing's changed, take my word
rub a li'l below my scars
and you'l get wounds as fresh
as you left them
No time can heal them
It's all safe & intact
In the chambers of my heart
The Problem of Choice
Whenever life has bestowed upon me the luxury of choice, I
have invariably longed for the one that's not so good.
Way back in school, from I had chosen Oriya instead of
Sanskrit. My excuse was that I actually loved the former.
My love fetched me a mere 83 in boards. Sankrit guys
crushed me with their thunderous 99s.
In college I chose Biology to Statistics for reasons known
only to the holy heavens. I loved Biology? no-no! I took it
because it was tougher. Yah! I'm attracted to tough things
(no pun intended...) But one thing I would remember for the
rest of my life was cramming the morphology of the human
brain on my scooty, on my way to the exam hall.
Later in engineering, I 'preferred' Electrical to Computer
Science. For some godforsaken senior quitely whispered into
my ears that the Compsci Dept wasn't up-to-d-mark! But I
never cared to find out what the Electrical Dept was like
Now, I have slogged for four long years. No, I actually
macerated! Plus, ended up with nothing in my hands...!
So all the conscious choices I made, ditched me. They
ditched me hard & bad. But I was not convinced by history
repeating itself over and over again.
I did it again. I made the absurd choice of love. But the love
dumped me too.
But the most pathetic thing of all things is that I don't have
any regrets. yup! Absolutely none...I have absolutely loved
learning things the hard waY!
have invariably longed for the one that's not so good.
Way back in school, from I had chosen Oriya instead of
Sanskrit. My excuse was that I actually loved the former.
My love fetched me a mere 83 in boards. Sankrit guys
crushed me with their thunderous 99s.
In college I chose Biology to Statistics for reasons known
only to the holy heavens. I loved Biology? no-no! I took it
because it was tougher. Yah! I'm attracted to tough things
(no pun intended...) But one thing I would remember for the
rest of my life was cramming the morphology of the human
brain on my scooty, on my way to the exam hall.
Later in engineering, I 'preferred' Electrical to Computer
Science. For some godforsaken senior quitely whispered into
my ears that the Compsci Dept wasn't up-to-d-mark! But I
never cared to find out what the Electrical Dept was like
Now, I have slogged for four long years. No, I actually
macerated! Plus, ended up with nothing in my hands...!
So all the conscious choices I made, ditched me. They
ditched me hard & bad. But I was not convinced by history
repeating itself over and over again.
I did it again. I made the absurd choice of love. But the love
dumped me too.
But the most pathetic thing of all things is that I don't have
any regrets. yup! Absolutely none...I have absolutely loved
learning things the hard waY!
Suicide note
By the time you read this, I would be long gone. For long I
wanted to know what exactly happened after death. And
finally I would know...
I have no qualms, I hold no one responsible for my death.
It's all me, me and me. I am my nemesis.
Though I would mention one thing, the world and its people
weren't good enough for me. I was always treated like an
outsider. My expectations were crushed. I was crushed.
So finally I have decided to call it a day. It's been a long long
time, and I have had enough. So we shall finish it once and
for all.
I am not a coward or an escapist. I'm choosing a dignified way
of ending a vestigial life.
So, I'm being rather brave, I don't want to live like a piece of
flesh. My life should have been the way I wanted it to. Or it
would not be at all...
Goodbye all
Love
wildflower
wanted to know what exactly happened after death. And
finally I would know...
I have no qualms, I hold no one responsible for my death.
It's all me, me and me. I am my nemesis.
Though I would mention one thing, the world and its people
weren't good enough for me. I was always treated like an
outsider. My expectations were crushed. I was crushed.
So finally I have decided to call it a day. It's been a long long
time, and I have had enough. So we shall finish it once and
for all.
I am not a coward or an escapist. I'm choosing a dignified way
of ending a vestigial life.
So, I'm being rather brave, I don't want to live like a piece of
flesh. My life should have been the way I wanted it to. Or it
would not be at all...
Goodbye all
Love
wildflower
Their eyes met and parted, almost instantaneously
Eyes that know each other, do not look away that fast.
But with strangers it's a different thing you know...
There were human voices, so many that they condensed into a noise that submerged into the back of their brains.
And in a mad crowd like that it's natural for two strangers to fade into oblivion. To never look at each other again.
But eyes met again. And before they were to part, she felt his eyes hold on to her for a moment more. Did he know her?
'No!', she told herself...Nobody here is supposed to know me. I am not supposed to be visible. She laughed to herself.
She was sitting on the stairs...she saw herself in the shiny black marble that the floor was tiled with. Looked up at people walking on that distant road. From where she was, everything looked so distant, so alien to the world she lived in...
She tossed her hair back, the way it brushed her back always felt good, she continued doing that and staring into the semi-lit darkness.
Unconscious of her own existence, her mind stretched into the thoughts of an infinite nothing.
She tried to lengthen her mind's stay in the real world, but she kept falling into depths of an hypothetical abyss. The more she would fall into it, the more lost and free she would feel.
She crossed her legs on those shiny black marble stairs...tossed her hair backwards and it again kept falling on her shoulders.
And the stranger couldn't look away anymore. What was he looking at?
At her soul underneath layers of skin and flesh...?
Her mind juggling between possibilities and impossibilities and his kept sinking into her...
Eyes that know each other, do not look away that fast.
But with strangers it's a different thing you know...
There were human voices, so many that they condensed into a noise that submerged into the back of their brains.
And in a mad crowd like that it's natural for two strangers to fade into oblivion. To never look at each other again.
But eyes met again. And before they were to part, she felt his eyes hold on to her for a moment more. Did he know her?
'No!', she told herself...Nobody here is supposed to know me. I am not supposed to be visible. She laughed to herself.
She was sitting on the stairs...she saw herself in the shiny black marble that the floor was tiled with. Looked up at people walking on that distant road. From where she was, everything looked so distant, so alien to the world she lived in...
She tossed her hair back, the way it brushed her back always felt good, she continued doing that and staring into the semi-lit darkness.
Unconscious of her own existence, her mind stretched into the thoughts of an infinite nothing.
She tried to lengthen her mind's stay in the real world, but she kept falling into depths of an hypothetical abyss. The more she would fall into it, the more lost and free she would feel.
She crossed her legs on those shiny black marble stairs...tossed her hair backwards and it again kept falling on her shoulders.
And the stranger couldn't look away anymore. What was he looking at?
At her soul underneath layers of skin and flesh...?
Her mind juggling between possibilities and impossibilities and his kept sinking into her...
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