Despite.

The way  I walk, I could be walking into the past. If space were time i.e. If you could alter a few dimensions, a lot else would alter themselves. Relative becomes absolute. And absolute becomes relative again. The two keep swapping each other at such fast rates, you wouldn't know which is which. And get lost in a chaotic peace. But you're getting none of this anyway. That is the charm. That is the curse.

Life lives itself off in its if's and then's. But ultimately it survives the despite's. Sometimes that it goes on, and on despite all the despite's is the utter shock. The realization that you're still alive even when all your hopes and dreams and decaying down in the gutter somewhere, is the shock, the ugliest worst possibility. And yet, that is the beauty. And in a very ironic way, that only is the beauty. The resilience of survival, keeps proving itself again and again. Hence, I write this. Hence, you read this. And despite everything that is, we are. Not alive though, yet alive.

The way I walk, on rainy nights, all alone, opposite the traffic, with lights blinding vision, I could be walking into the past. Or the future. But the past is a hopeful illusion now, and the future, a fake promise. All that is, is thus the present. And I am stuck in it. Going nowhere, walking into nothing. Stuck, like paralyzed would be. The grey clouds, full of rain for many days to come, try to scare me away.

What they don't realize is that I am incapable of fear. I am incapable of any feeling, whatsoever. I know, the grey clouds, cage my stolen lover, my dreams, all I had. And left me impoverished. This way. But I am, despite. 

10 comments:

Smita said...

beautifully framed.. portraying some harsh reality which we know but live despite with it..

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

It was about time.

It's melancholic as usual. Its melodic, as usual. How have you been?



Blasphemous Aesthete

Bessy said...

hmmm. this sort of reminds me of the frustrated youth of the 90s.

Surya Prakash V said...

Yes, lets move on. If you are a believer of chances, take them. Die if you must, but move on.

Surya Prakash V said...

** Hugs **

The Lover said...

This is some really good stuff. Dark and grungy, just the way I like it. You remind me of myself. Love.

Enchanta said...

Where have you been lost in your despites?

Living in the physical sense of meaning is something we should all be used to by now.

Life moves on, only thing constant being change and no, I am not going to continue with ramblings you already know.

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Raj said...

someone has been hiding in a closet and writing the heart down. its not the resilience of survival that proves itself. its the spirit. and the thing about the spirit is, its as strong as resilient as whatever as u let it be.

besides the despite, there is still a stillness. a constant in an equation of variable variables.

u tk cr.
come onlyn once in a while. quit the hibernation.

tan said...

speechless!
it hurts.. ocuhh!!