Nay

..Because there is this unstoppable echoing machine inside my head that keeps asking, what's there? These are words I can literally hear. They are as clear as whispers poured into my eardrums. What's there? What else is there? Is there anything at all? Anything that's a tiny bit worth of what I have become in the process of wanting to become a god-knows-what.

It's the uneasy ache I get when I try to sum up reasons for being alive. This is a very ungrateful thing to say, given that we are all expected to appreciate the gift that life is. But somehow I cannot drag this lie any further. I just cannot. Call me selfish, I wish not to see the reason in life you see. Because I just cannot. And pardon my inability.

When I look around, and this is not one of my midnight depressed rants, when I look around, I can't make any sense. There is the absolute pain of not being understood. And then there is the self imposed censure against even waiting to be understood in the first place. Besides, the lie of miracles coming true that we carry around all the time, but which isn't ever gonna happen. I think I should shed that. That lie has been the root of most of my disappointments.

The story is so unending. Obviously. And honestly, after all the deep shit we're in, I feel too fatigued to even call myself a full mouthed disappointment.

So call me insane and persecute me, but, Nay I don't see the so called charm of life.


2 comments:

Munlite redefined said...

Beautiful ! ! ! keep writing like this ..

Krish said...

I don't know how much you mean this blog, or meant it rather, for its been a long time. But go read your blogs and re-read them. You'll realize what life is worth.