Breaking the Mould

Learning to disappoint is vital. I barely do it. I fit into the mould with absolute precision, the mould that is crafted by expectations of everyone around me. I don't think I have genuinely disappointed anyone in the world with the honest exception of my boss.

I do exactly what is wanted of me, supposed anybody with my age and roots would do. I wrote all the exams I was supposed to, went to colleges that were understood to be good, slogged in a regular job because money and recognition are considered necessities, cultivated behaviors that were mostly socially acceptable and harbored guilt whenever I deviated. 

But I should unlearn the above, because I indeed should peel away the sense of shame. I haven't done it yet because I am worried of causing a lot of disappointment, of falling beneath. Now, better than never, I am wanting to break that mould. I want to be unafraid of letting down my, friends, family, admirers, even my indifferent gazers on the street. 

I got an extremely crazy haircut done today. I look like a patient of dementia, or an insane cow girl now. I can't tie it up, or let it down. It looks like a mad crow has munched away my mane. The hair, doesn't go with who I have been, nor does it go with who I so desperately want to be.

Before it grows back to its past original shape and size, I just hope that this, makes me learn to stand the ridicule. Makes me brave enough to cause disappointment and move on for the greater reason. I hope that and more love to come by me, inspite of who I be.

Anyway, if you love me, you would love me anyway. Won't ya? 


Anonymous said...

Oh gosh, there would be no doubt that the poor soul that loves you is a glutton for punishment...hey, only joking...don't get the hump with me dear S. Obviously he would love you, and does love you despite all your would be tantrums..for that is your prerogative. A prerequisite I suppose would be that he must be into S&M (Lol)...Only kidding again ha ha ha.
Anyway, joking apart..take care and be well.
{I can almost hear that whip crack in the background}

Anonymous said...

Darn...I was wrong, it was not a whip. it was a cane!
(Hope a put a smile on your face..keep smiling).
BTW, could I please see the haircut? Im Intrigued.

tragicvirtue said...

Of course, of that there is no doubt.

wildflower said...

You do put a smile, almost always.

Too good to be real that, but then we hope.

Ankur said...

Its those fleeting glimpses of madness that keeps one sane at the end of the day, don't they ?

Makes me want to go out and do something whimsical right away !

RG said...

aaahhh don't regret the cut.. U might not know how many people u inspired to do crazy stuff..
Like me :D