Kink.

Many a time, it feels like, we are watching a movie that we faintly now remember that we have watched before. As each scene unfolds, we recollect it from our shallow memory, though to begin with, we felt like we hadn't ever seen it. Hasn't it ever happened to you? There is this duality of experience, of the beating curiosity of what is going to happen next, and the moment it happens, a boredom settles in, because we knew that was how it was going to turn out. A suppressed sense of repetitiveness drops by home, life becomes an odd summation of our failed projects. How we never got that job, never got to meet X, never traveled to the city afloat on canals. Though the surreal motivation stays that we aren't dead yet, and we do have the time to do whatever we want. Yet, we never break the rule, erase the line and run off, like a wild child chasing our dreams into the wilderness. We do not outgrow the safety of status quo. And this way we witness a lot of tomorrows become yesterdays. 

Only sometimes, the purpose of bad fate is defeated, and we drip with ecstasy. Quite like the substance itself. The vigorous powers of pure love and undiluted freedom, however momentary can make many a banal life worth its salt, sweat, blood and tears. In those certain moments when we get tired of breathing in gasps and fretting and cursing, life chooses to make a complete fool of us by showing us one momentary glimpse of what having everything we ever wanted contained in a moment could mean. Saying just that it sweeps us off our feet would be an understatement. Saying that our heart, our tortured fossilized unloved heart, leaps out of our thoracic cavity would be an understatement. So I wouldn't say much, would I?

In one go, it heals the estrangement for forgotten friends, our regret for lost career goals, our failed nomadic ventures to be a traveler of the world, the sense of awkwardness that we never per se fit in. Fuck, it almost begins to heal our heart, our tortured fossilized unloved heart. 

And sometimes, it feels so surreal that I hope it's not just the goddamn sun in my eyes.  

12 comments:

I Romanticize said...

Who made you lady? And why do you keep plucking on my heart strings?

:-)

wildflower said...

Aha..new name :-) we love being named after our blogs!

tragicvirtue said...

No, I reckon not...I guess you would not have to.
Take care, God bless and be well!
Have a great weekend too.

wildflower said...

What do you not reckon with? And by the way, you too!

tragicvirtue said...

I was merely agreeing with you on the comment you made. "So I wouldn't say much, would I?"
- No, I reckon not...I guess you would not have to.
~Capisce.

Ankur said...

It feels like coming back home, albeit there seems to be increased chatter around here :)

Anyway, I hope the moment you speak of, makes up for all those yesterdays and yesteryears. Might just be wishful thinking; I wouldn't know.

wildflower said...

And you were gravely missed :-)Glad to see you back!

Krish said...

Some moment. That has to be. To dust the rust off the benches and make things seem so beautiful.

RG said...

apologies for being naive but i missed the connect.. the thought flow between the paragraphs..
i loved the first one.. having experienced the same myself over n over again.. sometimes wanting the surreal to be real..
but our wishes r never granted.. or r they..

wildflower said...

Be naive all you want Ms R G. That's a birth right. Life forgets to disappoint you once in a while..surreal does become real then.

And it's been so long that you were here last.

wildflower said...

@Krish
nice metaphor there, good literary prowess we see :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

After that moment passes, I try to recollect why I came, or what triggered it. Feels like deja-vu.