A Notional Loss

There's the notion of loss. And there is actual loss. For real, irreversible, permanent. Sometimes I stutter between the two. I threw my glass of chocolate milk in the wash basin. It splattered on the walls, the floor. Lost forever, actual loss. Ain't coming back. And then, sometimes I am frantically looking for my keys in the bag and not getting them. They are still in there, but I am not getting them. Same with looking for my glasses all over the place when they are up on my forehead, or still worse, I am wearing them. When we assume that we have lost something or someone even when we have them right there, is a notional loss. We coax the heart not to get jittery at all. Because, nothing has been lost yet. But then it deteriorates. You wake up dreaming in homes you no longer own, waiting in places you no longer go to, for people who no longer are here now. The immediate moments after you wake up, this appalling sorrow envelopes you, like you can't move. And you cry a pillow. Actual, irrecoverable loss, that.

3 comments:

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Yeah, right.

Enigma said...

Actual or otherwise, it's really difficult to come to terms with any kind of loss in a given moment. We can and do coax our heart into ease of acceptance when we believe that the loss is only notional. But I guess, the worst hit is when we mistake actual losses as notional ones and keep persisting and hoping against all reason for the loss to be nullified. Agh. And we wonder why life is so complicated.

As beautiful as it is succinct. Loved it. Keep writing. :)

wildflower said...

Thanks both of you, for stopping by. I mean really :-)