on death

Death is a tragedy that diminishes everything else. Every time I witness death from close quarters, my life should become dearer to me. I should count my blessings, thank god for how safe and cozy I am, away from the hold of death.

But the fact is, none of us can be far from death. Death is more close to us, than we are to ourselves. It can happen anytime, anywhere. And it is the suddenness and the brutality of death that hurts. The inability to digest the fact that someone would never get up again, someone would become a non-existent entity from now on, that someone would remain just a memory, makes me feel sick.

And when you can mourn death properly? You can feel a lump in your throat, a weight on your heart, tears frozen in the corners of your eyes, and yet not cry. The state of shock doesn’t leave you, and you cannot grieve, the sorrow thrusts the walls of your heart, shouting to be shown a way out, but you can’t help it. You can’t cry, so you cage the pain within. It’s more than horrible…

You beg for someone who could help you cry, who could help you release the anguish…and let the shock not overshadow the profound sense of loss that death creates, and the void that it leaves behind…