Ash Tray

It must have been hours now that I have sunk into this arm chair. I raise my eyes to figure out the time on the clock. 3 30?
There is smoke everywhere.
It must have been weeks now that I have ever been out of my apartment. What have I been living on?
Left out cereal, smoke and you! Remnants of you rather…
Is a new day about to dawn? I don’t open my windows anymore.
I raise my eyes again. What is it standing near the door? Is it a woman? Is it you?
Just an apparition I know. The woman I see there is a figment of my subconscious. A bit of my subconscious, thrown outside my mind which so much wants to see you again. For one last time.
Should I run to you again and try to hold you, and then find my hands running through nothing but air?
Should I try to make myself believe that it was actually the handle of the door that shone like something else, the shadow of the curtain looked like something else. And all of them, taken together, looked like all I wanted to see. And all I wanted to see was you. For one last time.
Should I squat on that floor and moan again?
I sit here and pick up my umpteenth cigarette tonight, as your shadow near the door continues to be there. I stretch myself. I close my eyes and let the smoke out my nostrils. This smoke would burn all my organs a day, you would’ve said. So, I have no one to nag me after you’re gone!
The ash tray is under a heap of ash now. Should everything catch fire and end up adding to this heap of ash? Should it?

14 comments:

anirudh said...

furqat-e-aatish mein fursat jale fizool...
yun bhi to khaaq hai jal ke bhi kya kijiye..?
furqat(seperation)
aatish(flame)
fizool(waste)
khaaq(ash)

skeptic saint said...

wow...the pain seemingly oozed through the words...

you know there are things dark and gloomy that i find more beautiful sometimes...and i guess this was one of them..

@ anirudh...

it was lovely and so apt to the post...

--xh-- said...

man.. strog lines of desperation.. and pain and hope...

Indisch said...

Brilliant! Dark, yet poetic. The comparisons are just awesome! Btw, I wonder if the house actually burnt down by that glowing cigar...

Abhishek Khanna said...

:)

Mez said...

:O U smoke or just imagination?

wildflower said...

@ anirudh
thnx 4 helping me wid da hindy ;)

@ Sunil
*grin*

@ --xh--
I need a vent too

@ Amrit
yes, it did ultimately...

n yes, comments make me happy :D

@ abhishek
all happie happie?

@ Mez
Does that matter? I can be as many persons i want to be/..!

maverick said...

hmm...nice :)

d SINNER!!! said...

@ ur reply to MEZ...very true, imaginations doesn't know fetters...

:)at the post...brilliantly written, very grim!!!

"fiZZ"ing iNsiDE !!! said...

There's a strange subtleness in the way you have "described" the pain.Well written !Amazing !!!

Mez said...

I generally askd.

wildflower said...

@ maverick & d sinner
thanx :)

@ mez
that's ok!...
askin neva has been a problem

@ Tapas
again.. why is describe in double quotes..?

dharmabum said...

in the end, it all goes into smoke!

Standbymind said...

Thats profound!

been Smoking?
Tried?

;)

tell me!