I didn’t even blink before I deleted the last message I had sent long ago. I was trying to get over memories, get over a hang-over…get over all my sleepless nights, all my failures. I wished I could start afresh, start anew, start a-numb. I keep my cell phone clean. There is not a single name in my call-list, not a single message in my inbox. I never cease to delete those names because, when I look at those names, I get a feel that there are other people in my life besides myself. And all I want to believe right now is that there is not a soul around me, and I want to really relish being so alone, so-so alone in this world. This, in fact is, the truth.
To want to be taken on a flight, short leaps and jumps in lustful air…falls beyond my reach, for now and forever.
My body wants to hide beneath layers of flesh and blood, the thousand wishes that have perturbed my thoughts for years now. As she has never been as wild as my mind is. Nor will ever be.
My mind needs to be engulfed in a musical silence, and she wants to be carried away, away and away, into unknown terrains of unchartered glee. Everlasting latitude.
But more than that, my mind wants to be left alone for now and forever. I really really want to relish being so alone, so-so alone in this even lonelier world.
I want to be seated on shiny staircases, throughout breezy midnights, and feel my hair brush my back. I want fingers to twirl around fingers, and love to rise back to life, like a phoenix.
Is this lust? If it is, then I lust for more…!