In Pursuit of Happyness

'How art thou?'

'Trying to be happy!'

'What?'

'I said trying to be happy...'

'What's that? You're either happy, or you aren't. How can you try to be...happy?'

Hadn't cared much about this statement then. That was way back.

But now,

Yes, one can try to be happy. I am trying to be happy. Precisely because there is no
reason to be...not happy, unhappy, sad.

I have been swaying over whether to write this or not. But let me reveal this once..at least some of it.

Have you heard of withdrawal symptoms? -awkay...U have-

There was a time, when there were many things i wanted to have, at one go. And I
had none of them. I just had hints that i would get them some day.

-is this going very abstract?- -do u get me?-

i chased things...i shed my old aspirations for new ones. i was lost in a hazy maze...

People got to know that i am not as dumb as i look. People got to know that i write.

So many asked me to show my skills by writing them gtalk..messenger status
messages...

Some stooped even lower..asked me write for them..love letters...-okay..this one
was absolutely preposterous-

Many asked me just blurt into a mike...i would stutter and smile but oblige...

Some supposed i am insane- am i not?-

I am loner...so very away from the world i am in...i don't know what's happening right under my nose...

And some days ago, the stress just got too much, i crumbled under the pressure...i
had a complete system breakdown. i would call up my only acquaintance, and cry.

Life started gettin bad to worse. I felt I had nothing. And would have nothing for the rest of my life.

I started having those withdrawal systems.

I-have-had-enough-now
I-shall- sit-back-and-watch

Things went on for some more time. And then one day, i cried just too much. I
caught up with the courage not to care, not to think so much. And surprisingly i liked being that way. And there was this mysterious consolation that
things-will-work-out!

And i decided that i would try to be happy. Little by little, I piled up my efforts. I smiled at people...earlier I din't even look at. I tried to befriend them. I tried to break away from the cocoon I had caged myself in.

I looked down the rusty memory lane. I felt happy. I felt sad. I felt happy-sad. Felt satiated with my hyphenated existence. There are no discrete answers to the
questions of life. Things are a lil fuzzy out here...

There is nothing like...if you're not happy, all you can be is sad...

You can always be trying to be happy...trying to chase the illusion, that happyness
is...

-does this post lack focus?-

-yea-absolutely!-

15 comments:

--xh-- said...

why does this post makes perfect sens for me? may be itz coz i have walked down this road years back...
do try to be happy - eventually you will end up being happy...
any machine, worked to itz maximum, will break down one day... ther eis nothing wrong, and once in a while breaking down can do a lot of good to us...

:-)

anirudh said...

noeee.....u dont have to say all dis...oka...feelin bad at dis...yaar smile is something i am sure u do wid such ease..haina?

Abhishek Khanna said...

ppl talk abt pursuit of happynes..
everyone is sad out there.. no ones really happy.. its just that you have to pluck out few seconds of joy in a day.. otherwise life is a trash.. no one will pluck out those few seconds... you gotta do urself

skeptic saint said...

well...i dont try to be happy...and i aint happy or sad or whatever...

and i can relate to that phase of yours...you know what, i cut myself off from all my friends, and yeah i mean all...and now i almost live a vurtual life, living only because i have to live. guess some day i ll try to be happy...

coz happiness seems far away.

and yeah check out my new post...

wildflower said...

@ Anoop
hmmm..i get dat u hve known all of it...

@ Anirudh
No sympathies please...:)

@ Abhishek
i knew dat all da long way...but it's sad that we have 2 pick those moments of joy for ourselves...no1 els bothers 2 do it 4 us..n vice versa

@ Sunil
Such an existence sounds pathetic...& c'mon..i know we deserve much better..much much better

It's time we start buying happyness 4 ourselves...

d SINNER!!! said...

:)

:D

tryin to be HAppy

well...i agree wth u!!!

Matangi Mawley said...

u can only keep trying.. so true!

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

I dont really think i have the answers to the questions posted. I just think i can relate to this in unsaid ways.

Standbymind said...

It is very focused...:)

wildflower said...

@ people

Sometimes this post looks like absolute bullshit..looks like i've so forced these words outta ma throat//

nevamind..let's keep tryin!

Amrita Sabat said...

well.....Happiness is a state of Mind. Just lik sorrow is. Just like feeling lonely is. Der is a very thin line b/n being alone and bein lonely. Solitude is to enrich oneself wen u r alone. Wen U don't miss ppl's company- wen U r ur own company. Wen U reflect on Ur own Life and feel happy or wiser. Wen U talk 2 urself - ur date with Urself.
But being lonely according to me is a negative feeling. U can b lonely in a whole crowd of known ppl too. U might feel that u r a recluse, or hv sum inferiority complex, or simply hate urself for being u whom nobody loves etc. etc. It's dis whole swarm of negative feelings and U- it seems to me- are on this thin line/border.
One thing's for sure- whether U r on dis side of d line or that, or even on d border- U write ur heart out and dat makes u d Wild Flower dat U truly are.:)
Blessed Wild Flower.:)

wildflower said...

amrita,

:) :) :)

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

no, it did not lack focus as all! you write damn good. really, it is so terribly hard to put down such feelings so effectively..cheers, truly! :)

i know, a huge blow or any kinda setback can sure make a person (read: me) be really withdrawal...actually, it is my current state right now.
ah, whatever!

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

*withdrawn

Anonymous said...

what u r sayin iz absolutely right..even i didnt think of it in a day it just came naturally 2 me.......
anyway if u find out who i am u will get a treat.......
<...another hint...>

till then just call me anonymous