Seasoned Estranged Lover

Congratulations! I have become the seasoned estranged lover. That is precisley why I deleted my last post. Because I no longer am that irrational a soul searcher. Certain things inside my mind have been fixed. Scanned and fixed. 

No crush lasts beyond two days. That is if I let it happen in 
the first place. I have become a staunch non-believer of love. 
I don't understand the concept of it so I doubt the existence 
of it.

Some people tell me that I am desperately in search of 
company. Some people tell me that I am so perennially sad. 
Some people tell me that even company won't buy me joy 
because sad is the way I want to be. 

But there is something I have been doing to myself with time. 
 I have been killing my passion, muscle by muscle. It's been a 
very gradual and effective process. Due to which I now feel 
that I have lost my capacity to love. To love madly. With my 
previous rage...

Whenever I fall in love, I look for a reason. I try to take 
myself away from the intoxication of love and look for the 
reason. But alas, love doesn't have a reason behind it, I guess. 
So before my two days, I fall out of love. 

Hardly anything can intoxicate me. Everything has mellowed 
down. I have answers to the many questions I used to be 
speechless about. 
The Reds have diluted into magentas and browns, blacks andgreys...

~I remember the contours of your face. I remember your hair, hah! The way you used to speak with a pause. The pause that made my heart miss a beat. The pause that made me gasp for breath inside me, and look calm on the outside. And I remember a lot many things. I am fighting my memory for you these days~

~I woke up thrice the same night to complete this post and now it's done. Finally-Salvation!~


(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

I don't know who told you otherwise, but love always happen because of a reason we like someone and there is a reason we decide to spend the rest of our lives with them. Some times we just don't see the reason, the other times we simply deny because we want to prove to ourselves that love is but an unconditional emotion and we are the best lovers in the world. May be it is just something that boosts our ego-- that's why we do it.
I am glad you are looking for reasons, the sooner you find your reasons, the easier it would be to not fall for an illusion :-)
Good luck :-)

manas said...

Love in the purest form, without a reason would be the love of God towards us. But to understand this love, we need to know more about God.
Alternatively, we can assume a mothers love for her child to be the purest form.
I know most people would say, its just good for philosophy, but then, with age, we experience n learn more about it.
If u notice, one common thing between both above mentioned love is, "ni-swarth seva". When we consider this fact, n love,we would always find success in love. Unless we know what actually love is, we wont be able to satisfy our inner urge to know more n move on.
But in the end, love does make a way in each one's life.
This is a well tested phenomenon. Just that many of us dont realize a lot of things.

d gypsy! said...

i dont have much say on the subject...
m still going thru it... maybe its a phase, maybe ill get over it, maybe I wud live with it...maybe it wud live with me...

who knows?! ;)

distantcords said...

and I smile :)

perhaps its jst a side u r looking at..we still have a date dont u forget that! :D

perhaps the time will come when u will seek no reason.. i guess god is taking time to see when all ur reasons

on a low note ...glad to meet u my alter ego

wildflower said...

@ raaji
Yeah, right now I so wish I am right. You know I don't want an attraction to last and turn into 'so-called' love. Never!

@ Manas
Once you are in love, it's uncondtional...or as usual m mixin fundae :D

@ gypsy
Hope it doesn stay with us. Hope we outgrow it and find love. For real.

@ Saahil
b!ngo! alterego?that's some compliment :)

Subhalakshmi said...

You've got yourself another fan:)

maverick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
manas said...

soon calmness would follow..
n there would be reason for everything..

wildflower said...

@ subhalakshmi
I'm honored.. :)

@ manas
yea, on d edge of reason.

ani said...

love is mangled waste of time and hope is the icing on that cake!

wildflower said...

@ ani..
what do i tell you ani.. i have lived through your words..