Solo

The way I look for you in crowded streets in the morning rush, the way I scan faces in cabs passing by hoping one could be yours, on rainy nights, wanting to see you by the turn of the road, drenched, probably wanting to be found by me, my life has become dangerously entwined around yours. But the glitch is that I have learned to live with this. Gotten used to breathing sans you. Waiting for you, and never watching you arrive. The need inside me is so persistent that it is almost like a limb. It is so obvious that I do not notice it. You do not notice it.

This is a new stage for us. All those unsent letters in your name, lying in forgotten folders, are testimony still. Always will be, to my madness. To the craving that used to drive me insane. But not anymore. Because I know, you aren't mine. Never to be. Because loneliness is my sole benefactor. This acceptance is my genius. Being far from you has so seasoned me to live by myself,  I can't thank the gods of estrangement enough. I have learned to bow down and let go.

But on nights like these, when I return to empty rooms after tiring days, of endless searches of looking for you amongst the unknown, I know that I will find you, one day I will. Because you are mine. I have kept you as mine. And that nothing should do me apart from you. Not even you. No matter where you go, you will come back to me. To take me along.

I don't know why. I think I love you.

May be I am just crazy. One expensive wish every few days. Let me live with it. Let me live without.

6 comments:

W said...

beautifully expressed,

Raj said...

beautiful. true.

I can't thank the gods of estrangement enough. I have learned to bow down and let go. - whattaline.

The need inside me is so persistent that it is almost like a limb. It is so obvious that I do not notice it.
yet every once in a while you tend to dream to wish for the wait to get over knowing that the wait may never get over or that even if it does you may or may not preserve your sanity till then.
been feeling like that for a while. :)

Grace Personified said...

I don't know how you do it, you stump me every time even though by now I should know better. You make me re-visit so many of my own thoughts that it gets spooky after a point.

Nice to see your posts after long.

Need I mention that you're brilliant?

Surya Prakash V said...

Hmmm.

Mansi said...

They say there is a whole world outside...waiting for you to be a part of it. What about the dark world inside? It's sometime scary to face yourself in the mirror!

After so long I felt meeting myself again! Thanks to you for writing this!

prateek mathur said...

I have bookmarked this one :)
Totally speechless :)