Poise & Untruth

Just asking. Is there anything, material or immaterial, in some corner of the brain, that moderates. Some secret gland, that releases a notorious secretion and makes us more-man-and-less-animal. Is there? Isn't there?

Because if I slammed every door I felt like slamming, there would be lots of fractured doors in my world today. If I told every fucktard, that he was indeed, one of those, I would have lots of enemies. If I had opposed every idea I thought was foolish, I would have become a rebel, Che type. If I had told every pretty lass, that she was one pathetic attention seeker, I would have no pretty friends. And If I would have blamed the ugly ones for being ugly, I wouldn't have the ugly ones either.

If I had revealed the gargantuan truth, that almost all of us are bloody hypocrites, then where would I find that single place to hide my shameless little ass. If I had told those dangerously self obsessed narcissists that that's what they really were, they would set my tail on fire. If I had a tail, i.e.

There are dozens of other things I would have said and done. But I didn't. Couldn't. Because of that secret secretion inside of my head, that fucking moderates me. Calms me down. Relaxes. Sometimes it makes me see that my saying anything at all, wouldn't make any difference to the course of things in the long run. Sometimes it makes me want to save my energy; lie down on the couch and watch all the drama. Sometimes it makes me believe that, it all merely seems to be, but it's not. It does just about anything to keep me from reacting in my natural flair and showing my true color.

And thanks to that secret secretion, I have become the one that I have come to be. Lazying around, writing when she feels like, opinion-less, neutral about even the most vehement of phenomenons, struggling with a rigid inability to believe, to believe in anything, anything at all.

And what did I get? Did the pluses and minuses cancel out to give me something positive that adds to make me look a teeny-weeny better in my own tired eyes? No. Nothing. This poise earned me zilch. Zilch. 

26 comments:

Surya Prakash V said...

:) ; welcome to the ** bar **

That's how the night flourishes. Hidden in light we can't see!

** winks at the bar, tender **
** contemplates the pitch of noise that would cause immediate attention without a kick-back out **
** half closes eyes for a moment of poise, gathers air dust into lungs **

"You moron! The glass has been empty for a while! Fill it up!"

** winks apologetically to the lady by the counter **

"Mea Culpa!"

Surya Prakash V said...

It takes one to be one, but two tone none!

Ah! The courage to stand alone!

Surya Prakash V said...

* two to be none.

arvind said...

roots never reveal!!

Merlin said...

LOL Did you delete my comment? :O

wildflower said...

:O Why would I!?

Merlin said...

No clue, I wrote a looooong comment :P and its not there now :(

wildflower said...

My bad..type it out again <3

Merlin said...

You must be kidding me! :( It was long enough to be a post, I cant type it back. Next time I will blog the comment on my blog and give you a link.. Don't trust your comments section :P

wildflower said...

Ya sure, that'll be great! Btw, I have given up moderating comments..so guess blogger must have messed up :)

Merlin said...

LOL.. yeah, now you are the celebrity blogger :P Too many comments, too many fans, too less time to moderate :P

wildflower said...

Shut up :P We know there is no truth in that.. :) I gave up moderating because I din't care what people thought about my writing. Also, because no body cared enough to contradict what was written by posting a rude comment.

Merlin said...

Not true. You now have a fan base. You are a celebrity. You have tonnes of comments. Just read your first post ever. June 2006. Sans You. You have come a long way. And you have crossed the line into having a "following". Every blogger does some time. I just hope you continue writing for yourself. Like you do now. Not for your fan base. I hope you know what I mean :)

wildflower said...

I know. I write for myself and for what I've lost. Thnks!

Merlin said...

And what you have gained?

wildflower said...

Weight! :D

Merlin said...

LOL. Are blog celebrities allowed to gain weight? :P I hate the "Please prove you're not a robot" part of commenting. Ugh.

wildflower said...

Well, I am allowed just about anything :D

And about the word verification, I know what you mean!! But we have to deal with it, or deal with a lot of spam comments.

Merlin said...

Like the way I am spamming you? :P You are almost able to respond to all my comments... almost. You missed the most interesting ones. :) Anyway. Its lunch time for me, will grab something to eat.. Love your writing. Which is not something I say often. Will come back and continue spamming all your older posts :)

wildflower said...

Can't wait. Can't wait!

Merlin said...

Don't wait. I might be that rude commenter you despise so much. And now you don't have comment moderation coz u are celeb blogger :P

wildflower said...

Btw I don't hate all rude comments though, only the anonymous ones. So, are you gonna drop your beautiful name?

Merlin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wildflower said...

Sweet! :)

Tan said...

Good one! I am visiting ur blog after a long time, I realize! You know how busy I have been.. But I always missed this part :)
BTW, getting back to the post, I want to go invisible and tell ppl all of these things.. like whispering in their ears :P or if at all they can read my mind.. .
;) ;)

Krish said...

Thanks for saving my time. It is easier to read a blog then write one. And it is equally relaxing. And don't agree to the last sentence. Surely, poise is not zilch. In this world of ever-changing attitudes, poise could be everything, if u really got it!