Consequence of severe affection.

This is me walking away. And I choose now to do this, because precisely now, I love you the most. Beyond this, it can only go downhill. Because we are flawed and human. Love, often when left alone for sometime, self-destructs. And I can't see that. I can not see that. I cannot see this love degenerate. And make nothing of itself. So I am walking away now, when everything is just so perfect. When I am assured that I love thee. And I will never find this love again, with anyone else, I forfeit, abandon. Give up. 

No, I am not exhausted. Just a little numbed I believe, I am unable to feel a thing. Neither affection, nor repulsion, not even the sorrow of going away from you, not the pangs of heartbreak. I feel nothing. And I am taking this very very conscious decision of just being by myself. Sometime back, I found it hard to imagine a separation. And now I am just inert to all tiny insecurities. It must be some life-saving involuntary bodily mechanism of self defense. Because deep down, I know a lot of things I pretend not to know on the surface. Because deep down, I know I wouldn't survive the impending umpteenth heartbreak, that you're gonna so cause me. Baby. I wouldn't. So, I am drugging myself to leave.  

And sometimes, walking away is the more feasible option. Than staying back and fighting for you. Putting a lot at stake, and hoping for nothing. It's hard, I swear. So this is me walking away. 


prateek mathur said...

The first 2 lines, about going downhill from this point on, actually brought a smile to my face. So practical.
And the rest of the post, so poignant, as ever!
One of the most realistic post by you, in my opinion.

Laterally Moved. said...

Decisions are complicated, life simple. And you proved that by this post.

wildflower said...

Thanks, I think so too. Being realistic seals the deal.

@Laterally Moved
The simplicity of life is sometimes heartbreaking oh dear.