Living in your shadow

I am not a giver by default. But the skewed equation of love has made me into one. Power games fuck with the mind bad. And now I am what I am not. I had an identity, with very distinctly carved outlines that didn't haze out. Now I merge in and out of your preferences, you prefer it or not. And I choose this, would have it no other way. I like living in your shadow.

Where your dreams come first, your wants are superior than mine. Where you have the louder say. I merely cherish the shade in your shadow. This love is like an escape for me. For as long as you would let me be, I would be. Here, not asking too many questions, or demanding too much time. Or too much of your attention. Mumbling my inadequacies to you when you're asleep, finding solace in that.

I believe this post sounds overtly dramatic and something very unlike what I would do. But trust me. This is how it feels. Today I saw a movie & I quote:

Q: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?
A: We accept the love we think we deserve.

And how true is that. I think I deserve you assuming that you'll realize what I am worth someday, yet not wanting that realization to come right away. My patience is sweet and I want to take you on a journey of realizing who I am, who we can be. Both of us, how magic awaits to happen to us.

But you won't budge. From where you are.

Sometimes, I doubt if it's an equation of love at all, I can't see the = anywhere. There isn't even a ~ honey, hinting approximate equality. There must be a massive <<< sign somewhere here. And I can't see it yet because the darkness of your shadow has eaten up my mind.

4 comments:

tragicvirtue said...

Why do you doubt?

Jasmine Z said...

We accept the love we think we deserve.' perks of being a wallflower ?!

Krish said...

If love had to exist and I am not so sure, it surely wouldn't come with an equation, I guess.

wildflower said...

Almost everything comes in an equation, nothing is unconditional, random, flagellant.