Lost & other stories


the weather here has been changing for the past couple of days. it's been getting unusually sunny and windy. the sun has shown itself after a three month long lull of winter, it's kind of unbelievable, i am so used to the cold by now. to remind of winter, the winds no doubt re very chilly. that's what i have been trying to write about for the last couple of days, this contradiction. the sun and the winds. it's weird, it's a contradiction.

at night it gets scary sometimes. i never get scared though. the darkness is impenetrable, my candle doesn't stand for long. its flicker dies, subsequently. sometimes, i put it off because i want to be friends with the dark.

so the day before yesterday i so wanted to break this cycle of sun winds and the dark that i broke it. one moment i was wanting to run away, and in the next i was gone. i kept walking through old alleys. naked wires hung across them, from pole to pole. people staring down from their roofs. more noise on the outside, less of which i recognised. more and more silence inside my mind. strangers, strangers and more strangers. i got busy taking pictures. i kept walking and walking. loosing touch with the world i belonged to. becoming a part of another. developing bonds, shredding bonds. i reached cross-roads. i realised i had lost myself. and that moment, i will cherish. happiness in such volumes hadn't visited me in the recent past. i loved the fact that i had actually lost my way back. i wouldn't have to go back.

no, i didn't want to start all over again. but i just wanted to stand there, holding that lost moment in my hands. precisely, live and re-live that frozen moment. that liberation. that reassurance of being lost.


the day before yesterday i felt that i lost you. i had no regrets. if breathing sans you was my destiny, then so be it, i thought. but yesterday, a fear creeped in. my feeling of liberation post being lost had weaned a little. the whole day i felt like writing to you. or about you. but couldn't.
i was scared. i cried before i slept.

but as today touched me, i know that you are coming back. and i am here to wait.


$uch! said...

hmmmm :)

Tapas said...

sometimes circumstances drive us to hate someone so much that he/she looks dispensable. but then it's the honesty of the relationship that pulls back the broken strands and never lets the parted and the severed stay longer than you thought they would. Things just turn right on their own, without your knowledge. It may sound supernatural but sometimes it does happen.You just have to have trust and the rest falls in. Trust me, whoever he or she is, will come back. May be all that person needs are a few "circumstances" to remind him/her of what is he/she is losing.
Meeting someone is not in our hands but losing someone is. But sometimes philosophies like these love to act funny,they go upside down. We lose someone not because of our doing.But then the hopeful never rests from hoping.
Take my word, it isn't easy for anyone to lose someone he or she loves.
Cheer up!

adrija said...


wildflower said...

@ S

@ Tapas

@ adrija