February


Listen,
My eyes, my sleepless eyes, are busy dreaming. They are indulging in criminal fantasy. And wouldn't pay a heed to me. I have tried. Yeah sort of. My mind too is somewhere else. It is very close to you. Run your hand through the air around you and you are sure to find it. Keeping an eye over you. Waiting, for you to find it. It is just my heart that is here with me. Writhing. Missing you so much. My heart has remained faithful, it is the repository of my painful memories. It wouldn't betray me like its brethren.

This time around I am serious. Pretty serious. Otherwise an escapist, for the first time in years, I want things to fall into place. May be we could take the risk of heart-break, one last time. May be, we could, once and for all.

Until yesterday, I was playing along. I was having some fun. Your advent in my life was a welcome escape from the sterility that had creeped in, in my oblivion. I had noticed some changes though. Colors emerged from amongstmy world of black, white and grey, and made themselves visible. Smiles frequented me oftener. And I had more secrets to keep to myself. Some tiny infatuation, I will get over, you will get over. Some tiny infatuation, you and I will laugh at, sitting in far-away places. I wouldn't look for your face in traffic junctions and crowded malls. I thought so, until yesterday.

But something happened last night that hovered inside my mind for sometime, because I let it to. Because it gave me a rare nice feeling. Later when I tried to catch some sleep, sleep helps me get over the worst of hang-overs, sleep eluded me. The rare nice feeling refused to leave, the premises of my conscious. In the morning, the hang-over was still there and I was smiling like a fool and thinking about that something that had happened.

And I couldn't just play along, anymore. I got a trifle more serious. Even things inconsequential decided to have a meaning. Moments hung on to me, like dew drops hold on to the green on leaves after a maiden monsoon shower. They reminded me of you. Possibilities asked me questions, about us. I felt shy. Yeah, believe me. I even blushed. And I waited to meet you again.

February is here again, this Valentine, you wouldn't send me roses, I know. Nor would I gather my guts to wish you on your face. But be sure, try to listen to the mist hanging in the air on the morning of Fourteenth, you'll be able to listen to my so muted wish.

Are you listening, anyway?

Eva :)

19 comments:

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

aww... this is touching... yet so sad. Sigh. I suppose what happens happens for the best?

Tapas said...

Sigh!

Mayz said...

i loved this post...

for i saw cravin more than sadness...those words seemed to reflect those butterflies in tummy...woh pehle wali feelin...

cute wali...but at d same time...darr lagta hai...haina??

................your's entirely said...

I am speechless....especially that last paragraph about the morning mist of february the 14th....Inspiring...more than the literary brilliance this speaks of the unbound love being nurtured....

wildflower said...

@ Raaji
what happens happens for life.. jus becaz it has happen..

@ Tapas
like i've said..thnx :)

@ Mayz
haan yaar..!! u got it r8 :D

@ ..your's entirely
love? did u notice i have hardly used that godforsaken word in the post :P

$uch! said...

i too loved tat last para :)
one more fav post
luv u :)

wildflower said...

u luv me? let's forget this guy then ;) i luv u too.. 3 4 5 6 7 8 9.. :)

Gyanban said...

Quite intensely poetic.

When you want someone...the desire to feel,breathe,touch, or just see eclipses logic and reasoning..which sets in after the rejection..

Anonymous said...

Guys,
I liked the poetic brilliance of all her works. But I have a request for you all. I strongly believe that what we write have a serious effect on our thoughts. I see a very gloomy portrayal (I don't know if this is one kind of writing style) in each of her posts. I see that the brilliance she has in her writings can also be done to some very happy stories. In doing so, being happy & optimistic, her mind also will be happy.
So, I sincerely request you all to encourage her to write some Happy stories and I strongly believe that we as readers will also have a positive frame of mind by reading.
I am sorry if I had given some unnecessary advices to you all.

wildflower said...

@ Gyanban
thanx dude..i totally agree with ur views..!

@ Anonymous
thanx for your concern.. :)

Standbymind said...

Well its will be in the air..and some one will pick it up..
;)

ani_aset said...

this is awesome..the feeling just flows so well in your words..every description provided is touching..thanks :)

wildflower said...

@ Aman
hmm..hope *someone* does

@ ani_set
thnkyu :-)

Amrita Sabat (u109006) said...

This brought tears 2 my eyes.......hw dyu write so well....? Ya that man is really lucky who could evoke sch soul-stirring stuff from u. U hv this power to stun, stir, sadden....all at the same time.

Anonymous said...

How can one listen to a muted wish?

I think you are poor at Physics!!!!!

I advice you to read HC VERMA / Resenick & Halliday.. after which you would, on ur own, give the answer for you post.....

wildflower said...

Pathetic attempt at humor that was Anonymous. Come 'ere, you need to get taught by me!

Tanv said...

He would hear it all.. from you..
It's not going to be muted this year!!
This year is a special year.. like I always told you.
;) ;)
I love you My valentine!! :) <3

wildflower said...

You always told me this year is special, and I always have believed you..mwahah <3

wildflower said...

You always told me this year is special, and I always have believed you..mwahah <3