..

Saying a word, stopping midway, dissolving into giggles, forgetting what I was saying. Singing some random song, losing track of the lyrics. Checking if what I was saying was grammatically correct. I wouldn't ever compromise with grammar. And laughing aloud for that. For no good reason. Breaking down into tears incessantly. For no good reason. Or for too many reasons that are suppressed inside, from a long long time. Hugging strangers, absolute strangers. Telling them things I never thought I would be able to say. Some surge of positive energy that must have been. Being an absolute pain in the ass for the sober people around. Begging them to listen. They complying, not having the slightest idea of what I was blabbering, but still nodding, patiently. Holding hands. Sharing stories, bubbles of guarded secrets bursting one after the other. Checking also sometimes, if I was saying things I truly truly meant. And I was. Alcohol purifies.

Sometimes, I get drunk to get over things I can't deal with. Nah, I think that's all I do it for. Goodbyes are the hard part. I can't see my hold loosening on the present, walking into an unknown future.

I can't say that all this place has given me is happyness. Rather, it has made me sad oftener than otherwise. But sometimes you get attached to a place because of the pain it has made you go through. Because sadness gets the real you out in the open. There is nothing to cloud your judgement. And the bonding that happens with the glue of sorrow, is deep. It is.

As I walk out of the campus in a few hours, I would miss the places I sat down and cried whenever I was totally depressed. The flagpost from where I stared at the sleeping Shillong on many lonely nights. The one stair on the flight of stairs I sat down on and chatted sometimes with friends, sometimes with myself. I would miss sitting on my bed and not opening the window, because the world outside reminded me of things I despised.

Sad memory outlasts good memory.

I am this mixed bag of emotions now, trying to avoid feeling altogether. But it's true, the people I have met here, I am not going to meet anyplace else. Though I try to avoid using the word, I defy myself for the lack of a better word, it was Awesome! The connections I have made, are not replicable, the way in which I have understood people and the way I have been understood, bit by bit, I am grateful to destiny for having me brought here. For that one decision I took, to join this institute two years ago.

No amount of writing would suffice, so I wouldn't even try. I just know, where my words fail and my heart takes over. There is no suitable parting phrase I could think of. And trust me, I have been trying, trying to sum it up. But have, fortunately failed.

I hate writing about my life for real, I love being lost, as they say, in fiction and illusion and imagination. But lo, I just wrote one..

And I am bad at saying things, but I compensate that enough by writing I guess. And so I write, I am really going to miss you all!

Signing off,
wildflower @ Awesome66! :)