Love and other Disasters.

Once I was made to attend a workshop. It was loosely focused about excelling in the workplace. But drifted to personal problems sooner than expected. And the guy was telling us about artificial happyness. I don't know what but I felt something inside me snap. I almost heard it. I nearly screamed at the poor fellow. But it wasn't fair, he deserved the scream. Even stitching together an idea of something like artificial happyness was preposterous. It's oxymoronic.

He argued that it was possible to love someone with all your devotion. But that someone leaving you shouldn't be exactly apocalyptic. It sounded like a contradiction because if you love someone that way, he leaving you should mean the end of the world for you. Shouldn't it.

It's hypocritical of me to feel so because the process of trying to be happy is as continuous as breathing. But when someone else tells you things you yourself have been trying to swallow for so long, it feels like a slap. One feels offended, wondering how did he get there first, before me. I conceived the freaking idea way before he did!

But I did scream, and in front of a lot of people. And the spasms on my face were so immediate, so honest. It totally sucked, opening up in public that way.

Sometime later, I read things here and there, and started practicing indifference like a religion. Drew strict lines around the contours of my body, limiting me, constricting my radius, trying to contain myself. And I wondered if living for oneself was applicable enough a thought.

Someone told his friend, I would die for you. But I wouldn't live for you. It's the same as loving with all your devotion, but learning to live beyond being dumped. Do you understand.

Isn't that a manifestation of unconditional love.

I wonder if that could be workoutable. Bah!


Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Jealousy of someone knowing something that we learned after so much toil and turmoil, and not telling, but more of preaching... yes, I'd scream, shut em down, or flee, maybe.

Blasphemous Aesthete

aria said...

incomprehensible, tough, impossible.. seems all of that and more.. but when you are through the disasters looking backward I feel a strange calmness and that I could've done it .. the truth is- we don;t really live or die for anyone.. they live and die for us in our thoughts..

academically impaired said...

again?? but why? i almost got used to it :P

wildflower said...

Blasphemous Aesthete
Flee! From myself, that's always the most immediately feasible solution! However, shouldn't I stay and make certain humble acceptances.

Yeah, it's almost unbelievable, all that I have done. And that truth though heartbreaking, should sink in now or never.

Now get used to this one! :P

Anonymous said...

Of course we love and die for someone. Someone is life keeps us going , makes us tick.
And when someone repeats something to you, that you've been trying to swallow for a long time , doesn't it make you happy that it's something you realized by yourself rather than being made to realize it by someone else.

wildflower said...

Nice to know, ones like you exist!

Anonymous said...

looks like you too started hating the old template...good! self realisation comes later (than never). :=)

wildflower said...

I begin hating everything once I have it.

................your's entirely said...

Hmmm...The guy you snapped at could so easily have been me :P

arvind said...

"he leaving you should mean the end of the world for you" - yes.. but as it relating to himself..
the brain become dead of those portions - me read somewhere..

but this one is a nice read - in ur own style..

(me nvr end at 50.. will read all ur work and comment.. dont mind)

wildflower said...

Feel lucky, it wasn't you :D

sweet plan! thanks.

arvind said...

collyahthese lovers were separated by her parents.. and they met after a span of 3 years.. he still loving her..

enjoy this scene wild flower!