The Soldier's Wife

You fight your own battles
I am the woman who waits home alone
Fighting a bigger battle

My emotions alter between
Sorrow and Anger

Sorrow
As I wait by this window
Giving myself false hope

Anger
Because you leave no trace
You take me as a given

I worry
For you, on the crests of mountains
In the cold and snow

Amidst gunshots
Smoke and death
When you forget me, for your purpose

I ain't as selfless, I
Want you all mine
Want you all mine

You don't wonder as I do
And weigh possibilities out of nothing
Alone in the dark

Aghast, all I do is wait

When you are all I have
And I still don't have you

Love may be unconditional
Wait isn't.
Isn't.

And everytime you return
To me
Wounded, and lost

I won't be here.


Pic Courtesy: $uch!

16 comments:

The Sage said...

You fight a bigger battle,
Oh yes you do


After all what is a million people and their fates
When it is your sorrow and anger at stake

Cos I give you false hope,
As I give to my comrade dying in my lap
I treat you as a given
But I do not treat my country as a given

Everytime I return, you may not be there
But there may be a time, when I do return
To a martyr's welcopme, and I hope
That you'd be there, then...

विवेक Call me Vish !! said...

Love may be unconditional
Wait isn't.
Isn't.

Everytime you return
To me
Wounded, and lost..........ohhhh such a superb poem i ever read !!
i hve no words ....

Ankur said...

I don't know if you have heard the song "Where'd You Go" but there are parallels between your poem and the song.
Give it a listen, if you haven't. You will like it.

$uch! said...

:):):):)

$uch! said...

and u knw wat, i dnt thnk, its nly 4r Soldier's Wife...at a pt every women is connected

Shilpa Nair said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shilpa Nair said...

Love may be unconditional
Wait isn't.
Isn't.


I know all the expectations people place out of a woman 'waiting' for her soldier to return home. But I agree with the woman in the poem. I did rather not have a soldier for a bf or a husband if he is not there most of the time to appreciate our relationship.

Wonderfully expressed!!!

wildflower said...

Rishi
I should thought of the ones like you before I wrote this down, but I didn't. Sometimes unrequited love makes one so selfish that one becomes inconsiderate towards the object of affection itself.

Vish
Do you not? Well, try!

Ankur
I haven't..but I should listen to it I guess..

wildflower said...

$uch!
Every woman is. Every woman is connected by this single thread of sorrow.

Shilpa
Thanx, being there makes the most difference. Distance hurts like hell.. Only a soldier's wife knows how much!

PS: The title wasn't supposed to be taken as literally as is implied. I wanted to write something like 'The Chemist's Wife' by Anton Chekov who I hate as much as I love, only that they do not cancel each other out!

" Ol' Acquaintance " said...

A good piece, but frankly I’m quite appalled with the ending stanza. I claim to be no expert in woman psychology, but the point that the writer wants to put across kinda sickens me to the core.
Although it doesn’t merit, but anyways lets try to fathom as to what she actually meant by the “I won’t be here” thing at the end??

Lets negate the premise that the wife has altogether physically abandoned his soldier-husband, in favour of a subtle mental misalignment of her feelings for him. The prolonged absence of the soldier husband has left the wife so bitter & “angry & sorrowful” that all her love is lost. That when the poor-chap actually does manages to return back home to his family, the wife although physically present, can’t relate to him anymore. She’s just going through the motions without any feelings or emotions whatsoever.

And where does this leave our poor-chap, the soldier husband, coming back home after his tour-of-duty?? For the past many months serving aboard a submarine in the depths of the oceans or manning his post atop a freezing glacier, it has been the warmth of the abiding love & hope of re-uniting with his wife & family which has got him through all those perilous hours(Remember ‘sandese ate hain’). Now all of a sudden upon reaching home, how is he supposed to interpret this apparently cold-unemotional woman lacking any affection or warmth in feeling for him?? He’ll be certainly disillusioned & at a loss to find his fault. Little does he know that the fault has been that of having diligently served his country at the cost of his own life !!
Well in conclusion, I’d like to raise the point that it was not as if the wife wasn’t aware of the nature & demands of a soldier’s job before her marriage. She had committed knowing in advance what’s in store for her & what is to be expected of her. Hence to now say “I won’t be here” is awfully cruel & out rightly disgusting.!! Our officers’ & men in uniform of the Indian Armed Forces deserve much better than such heartless creatures as their soul-mates. Because you see serving ones country in the forces is a much nobler & arduous thing to do than say working in an MNC & being always present there to take care of your ‘baby’.

I know that all writers’ are open to constructive criticism & believe that this writer is no exception. Expecting a sportive rejoinder (in some detail) !!
:-P

wildflower said...

Ol' Acquaintance
Oh this is no criticism. You take the pains to write a comment twice as long as my post, this is sheer praise. I must thank you!

This is the one post on this blog that I came very close to apologizing for. Because one of my 'New Acquaintances' serves in the armed forces and he apparently was deeply affected. But now that you have complained I wouldn't.

I wish you had read the PS in my previous comment in which I had requested the reader not to take the title literally. But since you have been callous enough to miss out on that, let me explain.

I would have divorced Christopher Columbus if I were his wife. You get the point? I hadn't focussed on the soldier per se but on any man who leaves the woman behind and indulges on his own. No matter how great he is. I am not the giving sacrificing patient woman at all.

I throw those people out of my life who cannot be there when I need them. I prefer loneliness to such absent company. I have proved this so many times over, oh I can't tell you!

So kindly leave my MNC job and my baby alone, would you :). Let me know about further queries!

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

And yet, they are serving their first wives too well, the uniform. They make the second wife look secondary. She dies many times praying for their well being.

Beautiful lines.
And something, different :)

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

"The Same Ol' Acquaintance" said...

‘Groovy Baby’ !!

I believe there’s still a lot of juice left to be squeezed out from the discourse but don’t quite feel upto it; coz quite apparently an iron-curtain of crude feminism/ individualism has overwhelmed your psyche. (Too much Ayn Rand is it ??)

By the by, google this poem “Home they brought her warrior dead” by Alfred Lord Tennyson. Poem about a soldier’s wife.(To be taken literally as is implied without any ambiguity). A great personal favourite.

Cheers!!

wildflower said...

BA
I appreciate that you appreciate difference, thanks!

Ol' Acquaintance
Gotcha! Weren't you the one who mailed me an anonymous poem of praise years ago?

"Still The Same Ol' Acquaintance" said...

Ooh the classic case of the faceless stalker of nubile maidens resurfacing again...
Is this what u’re accusing me of ??

Well, I’ll say sorry (with a grin) coz u haven’t quite “Gotcha” him yet !!!
Such poetic manoeuvres ain’t exactly my forte & I can honestly claim to have perpetrated no such acts of praise in my entire life.

Mocking, scoffing cynic i maybe but a lyrical composer of admiring poetry.. Blah!!!

Anyways pretty nice to know that your legion of admirers engage in such ‘desperado-underneath-your-window’ stuff .

Keep on with the hunt...

wildflower said...

Ouch! Nevermind about that, the search goes on anyway. Had it been you, I would have wasted time in figuring out who you are in the first place. One of the many seductions of anonymity you see!

By the way, I don't know if it is due to my sustained bitterness towards candy floss romance or what, but I am not quite a fan of serenader. I would appreciate an honest critic far more..!