incomplete..

She: I'm reading a book these days. It's called Committed.
He: So you're done with all that Nicholas Sparks stuff?
She: Nope, I kinda paused that book to read this new one
He: So what is this Committed thing about?
She: What is it about? ..(Laughs)
He: What's funny?
She: No, nothing is funny, but the fact that the book, is about us.
He: You tipped the guy to write one on us eh?
She: It's a she, actually
He: ..and the name doesn't at all sound like all the darn feminist stuff u're so into sometimes..
She: It's about two people who are in love a lot but have decided not to ever get married

And I don't anymore feel like completing this..

yasp 7 (?)

no matter what, it's never enough
it's weird, how it never ceases to irk me
it has to exist at the back of my mind
the drop of tear, waiting in the corner of the eye
is a perennial thing in my life
it just doesn't want to go
i wonder where it gets all that attitude to hang on!

my vulnerability always traces its way back to me
no matter how much i pretend that I wont fall
it always wins, and i am the invariable loser
i try to give a good fight
i don't give up breathing until i am nose deepin water
but somehow, it just doesn't work out for me

it's weird, no matter how far you go
life always comes a full cirlce
no matter what heights you aspire for
you always crash on ground zero
why?

Mystery Shopping!

I have done a lot of shopping all my life. That's like part of living a woman's life. In the last few years shopping has appeared difficult for me because sometimes I have looked at it like some kind of a job I have to do. You know if it were my job to blog, i would have invariably hated it. I invariably hate work of any species! But anyway, I was talking about shopping. So yeah, like shopping for formals could never have been more boring that what it is for me. All the shirts I see look the same, feel the same. It's like looking at all the guys I have fallen for, all in a row, in retrospect. I keep wondering why I liked them so much. And so I can't like the shirts either. And return home empty handed. Most of the times, my dad does the shopping for me in this case. And shoes, I remember once I went out to buy shoes for myself. I came back after eating pani puri because it got so exhaustive you know, walking into one shop after another, being repelled by price tags, or by the sheer appearance of the shoe. Would rather go barefeet than see myself in those!

I moved on to window shopping for sometime. I do a lot of window shopping for books, if you can call it that. I stand in the store, or sometimes sit and start reading the book and read as much as I can. Many a times I have read the back cover of the book, ( what do you call it?) and have bought the book only to feel superditched by the author later. But that's another story, books that have had infinitely boring first pages are the ones I will love all my life. And clothes of course, halterneck & off shoulder material are to be tried in the mall itself & never bought for sake of the wellness of the male population around. And obviously trinkets and antiques make excellent window shopping material.

But Mystery Shopping! Yeah thats what I am into lately, kinda unbelievable..but..I am holding on to incredibility for a while :)

Shadow

i live amongst shadows. i wander amongst a swarm of forgettable faces, shadows of course are very forgettable. here, nothing lasts. but once in a while, a nascent after~thought makes itself visible and lingers on till sleep comes over.


i was talking about shadows. a new one has emerged out of the light lately. i know it's not him. he knows he's not him. we both sigh with relief. due to this surity, there is not a question between us. we wouldn't last, we know.. not beyond tonite.

in the dark when our fingers touch and a chill runs down our senses, we hold our breath in that moment and not mourn its lack in the next. we take each other's breath away. like virgin shower on parched earth, like wine to a lost traveller.


this aint love. love is everlasting. this is anything but love. this is lust. and so be it..

lust binds me to this new shadow..

i live amongst shadows. i wander amongst a swarm of forgettable faces, shadows of course are very forgettable. here, nothing lasts. but once in a while, a nascent after~thought makes itself visible and lingers on till sleep comes over..

Dini ~ 3

why don't you buy company? you can

do you really like being totally alone?
i don't understand how you can survive this way..
more importantly, for how long is this gonna keep you alive?
haven't you thought of the future?
you have a long life, i am sure!
you're weird.
i have never seen anyone soul so complacent.
why don't you go out, heaven's sake?
give yourself a break girl
wear some color, you look dead. yeah, dead
you love walking alone, don't you?
legs don't ache, do they? feel for your legs, stupid woman!
wake up..ask yourself
talk to yourself, open up
ask questions,
why~nots are more important than whys
smile, come alive..
you have a tongue, dontch yu?

Dini? Dini? Are ye listening?

Staring at the horizon wouldn't buy you chocolate fantasy..!



Dini: Even this earth, as black and as dead meets a sky, so blue and so unlike her. They make the horizon. Dini is staring at it & probably making a silent wish which she would never confess to herself..
 

& i wish the picture could say it all...

espresso & a red rose

here in a strange city, i am swaying my feet in the air, perching on the rock near the sea, looking into the distant skyline and trying to find a new meaning to life, my life, the real one, the one that will last me long, i want to see for real, the truth and part ways with all the fakery i have believed in so far. so wish me luck!

~Eva

panacea?

everytime i get this close to finding you, you vanish. is this some kind of game? does this have a consequence? and does the consequence by any chance decide my life? why is my patience being put to test again and again? i can't keep doing this, you know. i am tired. very sick. i can't do this anymore. seriously, don't blame me, but i am giving up. you don't know a bloody thing. you don't know what it feels to let your beloved's hand slip out of yours. this thing is emotionally paralyzing. the repetitiveness makes it incurably fatal. yeah. don't blame me. it has never been worth it. why does my quest have to end in disappointment? i don't care if my journey finds its destination or not, i want to end it now and here. this chapter needs to close, forever. because, far more important ones are waiting to begin. they need my mind too. the way i have coddled you, i regret it honey, i really do. i promise to never repeat it, but everytime you spare me a moment, i can't help myself. let me make it a point that this betrayal was the last and final. no more of this, is welcome. i need to find my fuel for life elsewhere. and you better,

fuck off!