Besides a couple of men, if there is anything that has swept me off my feet, it's change. I have seen the inevitability of it. I have succumbed with helplessness to its overpowering rigidity. Change is one thing we cannot tamper with. Move on, we have to. Sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes unacceptable, but mostly nostalgic.

It is considered a ritual to stand back and look at the time bygone everytime a change makes an appearance in the horizon, to collect memories and to keep them for life. But I speak from experience, those memories you think you are gathering for life do not last your expectations. Things fade. And they fade out fast. You don't even realize the swiftness and agility with which your system adapts to the new environment. I feel silly when I cannot recall what sandals I wore before I got my new floaters. You could blame it on my memory but that I do not keep things I have no use for, I must have felt a bit for those sandals while disposing them off. And now look, I don't have the slightest memory of what they looked like. That's how easily we choose change over constancy. The present over the past. And I am not getting more impersonal than I should be.

So when I see people celebrating in grand farewells and taking pictures, the nerve-ends in my mind give me a jitters. Most of this wouldn't come of any use anyway. We forget. If the thing hasn't influenced us beyond recovery, we forget. I take an active interest to ensure that the change that is coming upon doesn't change me internally, but just touches the outlines of my personality. Battle after battle, I try to remain the same, but when you look at me, you say, look, she has changed, and sometimes beyond recognition, because apparently I have. This is my weapon of personal defense.

I don't think you have reached this far in the post, but if you have, you would think I have become one of those bloggers who make no sense of the 2 sided thing called communication and just go on yap yapping and yap yapping. Okay, then so be it. I have a quite a few farewells to go to, and as I gape at them wide-eyed, I wouldn't open my mouth I am sure. Allow me to do the talking here.

I despise being swept off my feet, be it by men or by change. Because sooner or later, chances are that you land up terribly grounded, or six-feet-under. So personal defense, you see!


Blasphemous Aesthete said...

The photographs are for those want to remember them. Specially these digital ones, we click them, dump them in a DVD and put that DVD in a pouch in some corner of the drawer, or put it online for others to see.

And well, isn't yap yapping and yap yapping a good sign, of mirth and laughter? just a thought. We change, and that self defense, that has to get stronger too, immunity fades if not kept up to date.
And yes, I am still reading.

Blasphemous Aesthete

nOt anyone you know said...

oh they do. what a blessing that is.

continue yap-yapping.
i look forward to it.

wildflower said...

Thanks Blasphemous Aesthete. You are very patient. And oh, I have lost that DVD pouch altogether. Self inflicted short cut to memory loss!

Bhavika! Couldn't agree more, that is an absolute blessing, we would perish if we do not move on. And for the encouragement, Merci! :)

Anonymous said...

Do I read it right?U have chosen to go with "Fans" instead of comments... :)

The last line of the post reads self defense but this F thing means self promotion...

wildflower said...

Dear Anonymous! It's so outright that it couldn't be self-promotion. Kindly do not undermine my taste by subtlety this way, I am better than your assumption about me. And go buy yourself a humor bone!