You, right now look like a big gamble. Doesn mean that things are gonna get any better in the future. But.
You're so unbelievable. Unbelievably good or bad, we are yet to discover. Or we would never know. Who cares? Why care!
But your eyes. Red eyes. Are much like mine. Unfortunately those are the first things that caught my attention. No, the attraction part is not unfortunate. But that the eyes in a man would register in a woman's mind is pretty much unusual, no? Because mostly it could be the anything but the eyes.
There is this facade you put up. You know, you tell me that your life is a real bad deal for you. In fact your frustrations make you an even more attractive prospect, because they superfluously eclipse mine and make me think less about me and more for you. But all this doesn't show on your face, so both of us agree that what's un your face is a facade. But what if it's not? What if you are lying to me? What if your life is well sorted out inside yur mind and you are just plain lying to me? I am suspicious I agree. But you could be a liar, you know? That is precisely why You are a big gamble, at least for now. While I am writing this, you are.
Right now, like I am treating everything else in my life, I am analysing you. Making lists, and scratching things out. Making charts, for which way we could go. And then again, putting down my pen and looking away from all analyses and staring at something I still aven't realised what; and wondering about what is now.
Now is what is passing between us. It is the sum of my withdrawals, your silences and a hoard of other things, I care not to list down. Whatever is, may be it is somewhat, sometimes, worth it. At least for now. While I am writing this, it is.
None of this is true. I am simply hallucinating. Or may be I am not. I am not. I am just a trifle more crazy, tonite.
All of a sudden I am remembering things. Long highways on lonely summer nights. Scanty lights beside the roads as my cab zooms away. And I lose touch with them. And I lose touch with everyting. I open my hands and let time go. I remember departure, estrangement. The irreversibility of life, haunts me. Even if that was sad, it wants to come back.
I try to draw more lines now. I try to match the past with now. The now that breathes between us, like it were alive. Remember, I told you? But then there is no sync. It's so abrupt, that I fail to gather. And so I want to ask you. Are you true?
Does life need to continue from where it left? Can't it start again, from the beginning? Despite the abruptness. Can't wE take this leap? Together?
Or we shouldn't. I shouldn't. That way I would give life a chance to slap me left and right, all over again. And then life would mock and laugh and I would swear never to believe in things as fragile as this ever again. And to never Gamble ever again.
PS: Forgive this post, if yu can..I'm sleepless..head-ached..n' lovelorn..
PS: A few hours later. The verdict is out. I am not Gambling. No way.