YASP IV

chasing a faceless man again, succumbing to his whims, waiting endless nights, broodin over hundred possibilities, cryin over the impossibilities, indulgin in wishful thinkin that in retrospect feels criminal, i am wastin away, promisin maself the curse of another heart break, yet another era of numbness, sorrow that can't be fathomed, sorrow that can be cynically laughed at years later, days of yearnin for his company, wakin up with his thoughts ingrained..

one thing i am gonna gift myself for sure this new year is a feel of perfect deja vu.. ;)

Walks To Remember-5

read WTR-4? Y/N

'Hey..'

Oh that's his new cosmo way of greeting people huh? He's changed.

I must've changed too. Let's find out & fix it. once and for all..

Ismiled, slowly reluctantly..

'I had heard that you ae here, in this city'

'Now that you've seen me, you know I am here..' i said with a tinge

of sarsastic obviousness..

'So whatare you doin here?'

'Here as in now?'

'okay, what the hell re yu doin here, at this late an hour? you aren't

lost or anything right?'

like he cared? I laughed in my mind..

He laughed out aloud, I didn't want to ask him why.. we were

standin in the middle of nowhere, people zooming past, time gliding

by.Yet i was unable to realise the enormity of the situation, of

having met someone from the past who i had absolutely no chances

of meeting. and in a matter of minutes he would be gone never to

meet me again. could ihold these certain seconds in my hands.

'I can walk you till the taxi stand?'said he.

Nothanx I can walk onmy own.whattajoke!

'You said something?'

'Yes'

'and what was that?'

'What?'

'yeah, what did you say?'

'Did you hear me say something?'

'Nope Ididn't'

'How else do you suppose that I said something? You can read

minds orsomething?'

'Oh fire!'

I turned up toface him and smiled at his now surprised face.

another untitled

we spent the rest of our days taking random walks from one point in the city to another. stopping wherever we felt like to have coffee, buy chocolate or other trinkets. not one moment were we reminded that the chances of another meeting in future, near or far was remote. the new found luxuries were courtesy, the chauffeur driven car that would pick us up no matter where we were stuck. we could concentrate on the other better things that deserved a space in our spheres of cognisance

we walked our evenings away on the sidewalk of an eight lane highway, to and fro. when we felt we had reached our proverbial endpoint, we reversed. on the way we made a list of the places we would love to go to but would never make itto, and then laughed at ourselves. real loud.

we walked opposite to the vehicles so that they don't get to see our faces and we kept crossing the highway and switching directions at random, again, whenever we felt like

sometimes we lost ourselves in smoke. mostly that smokecame from the cigarette. otherwise weburnt ourselves to make up all that smoke. mostof the time silence was like a third person between us. otherwise ourstrings matched to an unhealthy extent and the symphony of that resonance was almost deafening  

#hangover of jargon#

shelly: U know everythin
B: yeah, now I do
shelly: yet, this is the way you choose to be
B: I don't want to hurt you shelly
shelly: Yu'l hurt me anyway
B: silent
shelly: anyway yu'l go away, leavin shelly
the way she was
B: I wish i could do anythin but that
shelly: but that's what u'l ultimately do, B.
B: B'l do anythin to lessen your hurt
shelly: then be nice to me now, the way
yu've always been. 'coz that's precisely why
i fell for you and i want not to fall out of
it..anymore, now
B: this hasno future shelly. ths can't be an
asset in the long term. all that we do
nowwill be a liability of sad memories for
the rest f yur life..
shelly: no jargon B. shutup.
B: okay shelly!
shelly: i want to strike a judicious trade-off
between a long term liability of sad
memories and one moment of nascent
happyness now..
B: anythin for you?
shelly: Anyway you will hurtme B 'coz yu ar
goin away. it's a matterof few months an
then i won't see anymore of yu//..
B: right.
shelly: you have two ways of goin about it.
you can hurt me now or you can hurt me
later.

i ask you to hurtme laterr,please..not now

don't think about the future, just b the B
shelly's known..shelly's fallen for, with a
thudd..!

B: yeah, alr8..



Quote in the Pic: Over 2.85 lakh women read the Economic Times

Walks To Remember-4

read WTR-3? Y/N

Desire? What is that?

It's been three years I moved out of that place. Where I was stuck

for sometime. That one moment when I thought I almost found

you. But you walked away into the dark and refused to come back.

And I ended up in a city with lots of cabs, none when you need one.

A place where there are more people and I am only lonlier. The

traffic is so sluggish and life is as fast. It's breathtaking. Life is life

threatening attimes. And I haven't thought once about you all these

years.

I was walking down the flight of stairs that take me home. The dull

lightof the evening was profound. Someone was playing music. I

stood for a while and walked on..

I realised that I had been following a black blazer for long. Doesn't

matter. Round the corner he would obviously take some turn and I

will take the other. And I would be alone again.

Taking random rounds, twice thrice, when I have had enough of

my hopeless pondering I would take a cab to the place I call home.

I wish I could record the name of my place andkeep replaying it

everytime a cab passes me, making memore hopeless by the minute.

Every face around is a strange one. Though the place seems strangely

familiar. The black blazer has turned around.

In the faint light, he gives me a hint. I have known him. I get

curious first. Nervous then. Frozen fingers to sweaty palms.

It's you.

One of my usual Saturday evenings, I was trying to find my way

back through the dark, but I found you. You.

..to be continued

YASP-III

when god made you

he must have been drunk

that's how

yu probably

got his eyes

passionately red

and searching

for god knows who

Temptation is good.

But Indulging & Regretting is even Better.

YASP-II

life is a silent dame

she doesn tellme

where shez takin me

i jus hope

that she is takin me

only

closer to you

YASP

One of my girlfriends found herself a cute guy. And the guy found

her in return. She wanted me to come over and meet. That meant

one thing- I would need to behave myself.

My opinions were obviously no more welcome. I was supposed to

make my presence felt as someone greatly elated with whatever

happens. And yet not cross those borders around passivity. And yet

be there for them. It is not as complicated as it seems. I have been

out with couples and prospective couples, before.

There was a phase when my opinions were asked for and

considered. There was a phase I was tired of romantic-consulting

offered free of cost. The questions made were on the lines of 'Will he

be right for me?' and in more sentimental modes of feminine

submissiveness 'Do I deserve him?' and etc. All those questions

were to be answered reassuringly affirmatively. Followed by many

chocolate-sauce-on-the-brownie sms's (or whatever the plural of

sms is). Sometimes third persons warn me I shouldn't push people

into relationships. But I hardly ever do that. They are willing

anyway.

This meeting was imperative. It was like a promise we made when

we were blossom buddies. Walking dark roads on cold evenings

throughout college, these were some of the treaties signed. To

show each other the person we were so going to live the rest of our

lives with. So she was simply complying to one such

understanding..

And the job is fun too. I will tell you why. As girls we shared some

typical notions. Now looking at those things happen for real would

be looking at the past through a wall of glass. You can see

everything so clearly and yet can't get back. Every moment you

feel like telling her how she thought he should be so-and-so but

now he has turned out to be not-so-and-not-so. But since she has

lost all sense of logic you dont utter a word except uttering what's

so a part of etiquette. You wonder how good the guy has made the

transition from 2-D to 3-D. From the pics of him that she sent you,

to real person of flesh and blood you are going to lose her to.

Relationships break away friendships. But I understand. That's life.

It probably is a set of ever changing priorities.

PS: YASP is for Yet Another Silly Post

Vent.

I hate the situation where in I know a change is imperative and I

further know that I have the guts in me to bring it about, but I am

not doing so and I have no excuse to substantiate my inaction. I

allot half the blame on the situation, rest to me. The fact that I am

an escapist stares me in the eye. And I take it lying down.

My cell phone has been having problems with me lately. And my

laptop is ditching me to add to it. With the two most significant

characters of my life conspiring against me at the same time, I am

screwd.

I stick to deadlines. EOD means End of Day..and not a second after

that. But there are few people who believe that Day Ends at 5 pm.

And such people are the people I cannot take.

That brings us to another caveat. I have no space for things and

people who are illogical. (Some things are exempted from the

wrath of this statment). We all like things that are straight-cut. We

all do. Such People who define norms, pretend that they are not

loving those norms themselves but do not let me defy them either,

by their over-imposing presence. And fret about it. WTF~

I do not open my mouth until I am provoked. Before that

everything is but waste of time and energy. I despise Desperate

Partcipations of people. I absolutely loathe people who play the

language game i.e. who make poor lil simple things look very very

complicated. I abhor 'bakar' and all its distant cousins.

By default I am a lazy human. I work only when and only when not

working would absolutely not do, i.e. if I were a cell phone, that

'Emergency Calls Only' thing would be perennially written on my

face. But I understand my core responsibilities. And I hope that you

understand that this doesn't contradict me being an escapist

otherwise.

Some People(*) blame me that I write about love and only about it

and that I am some stupid frustrated female, this is especially for

them.. many of them would like be here on my blog anyway..

Yes I am frustrated. Not just with love, but with a dozen things

besides that. I am frustrated with the way you (*) are!

And You(*) can go on only until one fine rainy day, I am provoked.