Checklist

There was a checklist, a funny checklist. With all the qualities typed out, one below the other with a tiny box beside, which was to be ticked, in due course of time. In due course of time or never, or crossed out or scratched out. There was once a decently long checklist, not insanely long or anything. And it was as strong as prejudice in my mind. I didn't need to even blink to recall it.

I ain't a very strict person, but I followed the checklist religiously. I was stupid. I don't understand why I am using the past tense here. Though the word belief has been kicked out of my dictionary, I stick to the checklist even today. I am stupid. Very very. And I do not see enlightenment anywhere on the horizon for me. I am beginning to live with it as if it weren't a part of me you know, that indifferent. And you don't think I am quite making the point here, but I am. The beauty of a human is the sum of her faults.

The checklist makes me laugh, with self hatred. I would scream out my lungs on another person who obeys a similar checklist, but I wouldn't correct myself you know, that indulgent a hypocrisy. I mean it's ridiculous, to a point where I do not understand myself anymore. I know after having lived the times I have, I ain't dumb enough to fall for what I fall for. But then may be they were right when they said it was blind. Now you don't think I am quite making any point here, but I am.

There is a stupid, a very inane checklist inside my heart, worse than that, inside my mind. It is a kind of hypnotism that holds my mind hostage, where all my intelligence gives up hope of keeping me sane. And I fall for the apple, you know, the apple. Instead of a whole lot of better stuff that I could have done. Apologies if you didn't quite get it, but I quite made my point here.