I & II


as i try to forget you right now i find it very heart wrending. but that's imperative. i can't afford to have you in my mind beyond a certain time. love is a power game. of the worst sorts. besides love i give you the power to hurt me. by loving you i give you this supremacy over me. it' liek you rule my moods. you totally hold the strings of my life. i have confirmed it many times over that i would want you a hundred times over all the other wants in life. i bear the consequences of every inconsequential thing you do. i am like china in your hands. for you i dream of the pros and cons of if-only's

all this time i have tried to hate you because i am done convincing me that you are not the one, because you can't just be the one. i never fell for you. i never will. it's an impossibility. but there is a glitch. no it's not even that. just a dormant fear within me. that at the end of time, it could be you, if not anyone else. then i would have to keep all ego aside and take you in. it's this constant fear of this contingent future that keeps me on my toes, always trying to hate you. it's the fear of the compromise that i might have to make. it's the fear of you entering my life, and taking control with me becoming just a passive element. yesterday while crossing a busy street, this thought crossed my mind. is it you? what if it is you? what if it has always been you? i am doing a worst case scenario analysis. for you i fret over the pros and cons of what-if's


ani_aset said...

Wildflower, when one loves some one one should not forget to love one self first. Its when we stop respecting our own selves that we get into problems like these. God bless you :)

wildflower said...

dear ani_set
Only rarely would yu find a person alive or dead who loves herself more than i do. my primary objective is finding love which boils down to findin someone who loves ME..!I m like the centre of the universe. So Now you can make out how much i love myself & respect mYselF..


aria said...

I have been there is the constant emotion when I read you.
I think hating someone is also an element of that love we had for that person. You can keep convincing yourself that you hate the said person now.. perhaps to an extent you do but that wouldn't mean you wish him/her any harm. Its our own struggle which cures itself when we find a new person. Thats what happens to me.. I mean ..

anirudh said...

i so feel dis everyday..!

loved the line "for you i dream of the pros and cons of if-only's"

Anonymous said...

Answers to FAQs in ur post:

Is it you?
How will we (as a reader) know?

what if it is you?
We (readers) will congragulate u, give GPL to him n take a trt

what if it has always been you?
Thats cool!

i am doing a worst case scenario analysis. for you i fret over the pros and cons of what-if's.
Use MS-Excel. What-if's & Scenario analysis options are cool in it. Use 2010 version :P :P

wildflower said...

Excuse me?!We We, are you! :O