Life is understood in retrospect. There was a point of time when I was sick. And I was ready to trade it off for absolutely anything else. I would be anything but sick, I thought. Now when I think of that phase what shocks me is that I had everything I could ask for. Mom used to look after me like I was a baby, I used to feel at home, be at home. And then you were always around. I realize it now when I have lost you. Shit, I had you and I din't even know. Why? How could I be that ignorant and silly and ask for that phase of time to pass? My days used to be spent in the most usual of ways, except that the hours had your caresses..the nights, your voice to talk me through to sleep. To keep telling me that I would be just fine and this is just a bad time. In no time, I would be back on my feet. I remember how I had just drugged myself with you. I held your hand and prayed that I get well, recover. Because beyond that illness was a tomorrow of you and me, our tomorrow. You made me see the light of day, you filled my mornings with joy and I had no idea. There was this undercurrent of happyness and I couldn't just realize the presence of it. I had everything I ever wanted, and fuck I wanted to get past that phase? What was I thinking? Seriously, what was I thinking.

Throughout this time, there have been many things I haven't been able to tell you. The most of inane of things, the most mundane of things, the minute details of you that have struck me, my perception of you, of us, my childish dreams, and more so the list of things that I feel are wrong with you, the tiny faults in you that I find adorable, but could never tell. But could never tell. I have written these notes to you that I've never shown you. And now, would ne'er be able to show you. While writing them, I had this promise to myself that someday I will watch you read those. But if that would not happen, I would publish it on my blog and sell my sorrow. Selling it helps getting over it.

11 comments:

The Sage said...

cherish those moments... be thankful you had them... and once in a while, raise a toast to them...

Surya Prakash V said...

Reminds me of "Daddy you bastard, I am through" by SP.

Can't see you in this post :(

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

A friend of mine had this on te google talk status message:
Don't advertise your sorrows, there is no market for them here

Maybe I'll make that friend of mine read these posts. I am sure, that that friend of mine might just want to reconsider it.

nOt anyone you know said...

.....

aria said...

you aren't selling em.. in fact you aren't even sharing 'em coz no one can share our sorrow..
perhaps you are living 'em again.. those moments and that sorrow..
just a thought ..

academically impaired said...

hopefully some day that'd happen, coz d selling your sorrow things makes you sound lyk d female counterpart of joker ,of the dark knight....

p.s: do watch d trailer of band, baja, baraat, it's nice, braad pakode ki kassam

wildflower said...

Sage
yup, once in a while, shall do that..to keep the fire lit at least!

V
I am that lost then ..

BA
Do that a-s-a-p

B
hmm..I keep thinking of Celine every now and then, can't seem to get over her..this is totally out of context tho

aria
and that's right i guess, all i want is one, just one hellish excuse to go back and live it again!

Lucky
i can never manage to finish watching 'good' movies..my bad!

nOt anyone you know said...

and Maya?

wildflower said...

Maya, who?

nOt anyone you know said...

*ijazzat* nahin dekhi?
(mera kuch samaan)
i recommend!!
Maya is one of a kind.

wildflower said...

nope, just that song..
mera kuch samaan..