The Brooding Tree

No matter where future takes me, I know life can never be easy. All the hardships I am seeing myself through...the sun, the rain. The patience and the perseverance, the fatigue, the failure and the frustration...headaches and heartaches...All that running about for one silly thing that went wrong. All the sweat...this disappointment. If i oversleep for a damn fifteen minutes the entire day goes bad. Not rare are the days at the end of which i would have set my
gtalk custom message as "life sucks", had i wanted to. I have misunderstandings and quarrels, situations which have me howling and screaming like i have lost my senses...followed by pillow biting sequences...bouts of taking wrong decisions, and facing their consequences, running from place to place with utter hopelessness, losing so many things on the way. I have a long series of problems to be tackled every day...so many things to be brooded over. Shame and denial
to be looked at in the eye.

And amongst all this there is one subtle realisation that I have begun to live like a machine. Life is as static as that of a vegetable, despite all this crazy panademonioum. Living has been reduced to mere existence. I am not going anywhere...despite all the running.

One more thing. What has changed about me? I have learnt to defend myself, against myself. I have grown an innocuous sense of acceptance of myself as what I am, without any further changes. Gone is the desperation of a nevereneding improvisation of my skills and knowlege. I have great sympathy for myself. I spend hours in balming my own wounds, singing to myself. Laziness holds the strings of my life, and I am a great sleep lover as ever.

This i realise is a part of building the person, i would be five years hence. That's all!