Dini-II

Off late besides postponing movies for a later part of my life, I have come to know a certain thing. I have an uncanny ability to see through people. In most cases I do. This happens if you are ditched badly twice or once. The inability to trust even the simplest of people becomes settles in pretty deep. You wonder if anything is but a facade. But on another note, who in here is simple? I mean does the word even exist?

Everyone is complicated. Yes..please, no arguments they are. I being the epitome of all complications is yet another story. But you can't deny my judgement here. It's as sound as sound could be.

Tall people, short people, the ones with spikey hair, the ones with curls..chubby ones skinny ones..elated ones happy ones sad ones depressed ones devastated ones..all look complicated to one eye and on the other hand contrastingly mundane to the other eye.

Oyah. Everyone is mundane. No arguments, they are. That is precisely why I cannot stand anyone anymore. Anyone forthatmatter.

Everyone is 1. self-obsessed!

Oh Dear God if you exist, why, why on earth and in the rest of the universe did you have to make everyone so so bloody self obsessed? Argh! Arghh! Why?

People love other people just because they are loved back. Could hypocrisy sink to do more ignominous lows than this? I don't know. With the kind of people around, you never know who could stoop to what lows.

You have to stand and stare and bear or pretend to do so. And I honestly can't do so anymore. I cant stand these people any more. Someone take me away! Someone (who is not self obsessed) puhlease take me away..Let's take to wings, let's do something out of the world. Let's do anything but the mundane.

I want to see a better world. A slightly more rational one, that I can justify to myself. I don't want to end up hating everyone I know, because familiarity somehow always breeds contempt.

But somehow life has unconsciously become one journey. A journey to find the Intense. This is one sole category I adore, worship, am enslaved to. But I am afraid I do so because
I am yet to dissect them in my mind. Once they are in pieces, again all that shows is how mundane they had been, how misled I was. Hence the sad story.

I am not a pessimist. I have the power of reason.



12 comments:

A said...

hmm.. but reason had its edges... i had something to say about that on my blog long ago.. u remind me.. see the self obesession at work :)

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

ahh makes sense. But since everyone is self obsessed, aren't u self obsessed too? :-)

kunal said...

i can feel what u are trying to say... u were talking beyond self obsessed people.. something elemental.. something beautiful.. something once realised, would feel like the realisation of love of god, of oneness, of u of me and of everything

wildflower said...

@ A
there is this tussle between reason & it's distant cousin Passion-! i dunno how to go about it ..but wotever be the case sel-obsession is always @ wrk!

@ Raaji
Yes of cors i am..i wonder if thats my retaliation..

@ Kunal
oh oh!!! guess u got it.. ;)

Ketan said...

Hi Eva!

I'll have to type out a relatively long comment and hope you won't mind. :)

I've been deceived several times; not necessarilly in love, but friendship, professional commitments, etc. So I can totally understand how you'd find it extremely difficult to trust people. And of course, there's nothing wrong with that; a certain degree of baseline suspicion helps us survive, and face deception better if we'd have already anticipated its possibility.

But possibly, your problem is that this suspicion has started interfering with your enjoyment of life. I'll not deny that everyone is self-obsessed, but why is it wrong by default? Yes, if it one tries to pass off as extremely altruistic, and turns out to be self-serving that is disgusting.

What connects people is symbiosis in self-obsession. People want to feel important and significant. This of course, they cannot feel without involving another human being, who'd acknowledge their importance and significance. Till this point everyone is similar, and I agree with you entirely. But where I differ from you is in how you've analyzed the things ahead. There at least two kinds of people. Those who'd do anything (hook or by crook) to get that acknowledgement of importance and significance--to whom only the numbers count--as to how many people 'like/value/envy' them, and who that approval comes from does not matter. All of their acts are guided only by one desire--to be appreciated. The other kind are those who preserve their essence, and say and do things that they truly want to do. They end up valuing/liking certain people for the qualities they possess. And when such people value them back for qualities they themselvess possess, they feel more satisfied/happy/ecstatic about their own self. Is this selfishness/self-obsession? Yes, of course! Is it hypocrisy? I doubt! :)

I'm posting you this long comment. Why? Not because, I'm a very altruistic person who cannot see anyone in pain. But 'cuz I'd gone through a few previous posts of yours, I'd liked your ideas, manner of expression and certain degree of honesty that came through it. So, I post you this comment, which I do for some fellow bloggers, but not for just about anyone. I don't value just about anyone. Would I be pleased if you appreciate my effort in typing you this comment (from a cell phone ;) ), or my ideas? Yes! Is that the intention? No! Do I have any ulterior motives in commenting?...

Ketan said...

...Not exactly a motive, but desire that you come and go through my blog. But it ceases to be ulterior the moment I state this desire to you. But see, I've not made it a condition that you comment on my blog, and then only would I comment on yours. Now try to superimpose the same driving forces to our interactions with fellow humans. You'll see, all is not that ugly and degraded.

And people will remain to be self-obsessed (including me). Right from the childhood, our mind and our five sensations work in concert to divide everything they experience into two parts--'I' (the ego) and the 'outer world'. And unfortunately, though we learn to empathize with fellow humans/animals, they still remain a part of the 'external world'. In fact, as a child, it takes lot of time and experiences to understand that 'others' are also humans just like 'me'. That they also might be feeling similar things on being subjected to same experiences. If you and I were to play together when we were five, and you touch a candle's flame, you feel hot, burned, you shriek, you cry, I can somewhat estimate what you might be feeling, but that would only be a guess. But if I touch a candle's flame, I feel hot, I feel burned, I shriek, I cry. The experience becomes a part of 'me'. Isn't every single moment of our lives like this? As in, experiences from an extremely subjective/personal perspective of 'I'? Does 'I' not become an inescapable bubble? Is it reasonable and justified to expect people to come out of that bubble to breach its boundaries? To stop responding to 'one's own' desires and aspirations, pain and pleasures? Can that bubble be breached? No, it just cannot be. Even on taking a most detached view of world and people, the thoughts that I get and conclusions I draw, become cognizable to me, only by entering that bubble!

And, why complain about this bubble? Had it not been beautiful all this life? To watch your own feelings, to study your own desires, to wage bets on what another person will say/do, and them smile in satisfaction when you'd turn out to be right in your guess owing to the insight you've gained into how others' minds work?

To summarize, all I wanted to say is, according to me, and because of the reasons I have here, nobody would really be able to breach that bubble of 'I'. :)...

Ketan said...

...I know saying all this might not make you a great fan of mine, but at least I tried to be truthful! :) The bottomline is this--everyone lives only for themselves 'cuz owing to physical limitations imposed by their minds, 'self' is the only organism everyone can feel, undertand, experience, relate to and 'live' for. Some do it utmost hypocritically, some utmost truthfully. And majority, would be somewhere in between. You've to take your pick, who to spend your your emotions on. And yes, of course, who lives which way is also a bit difficult to make out! ;)

And if my response would irritate you too much, you could always think all I wanted was to make you visit my blog! :P

Take care.

wildflower said...

Oh Ketan Oh!

Ketan said...

Eva, what do I make of your above three words? /:)

You were trying to illustrate the ideal length of comments as if my comment was too long (as if it wasn't! ;) )!

TC.

wildflower said...

I never read anythin so long.. n dat was my way of thanking yu'for the honor.. Ketan

Ketan said...

LOL, Eva!

I hope it's not only the length that drew your attention! ;)

SammY said...

R V Talkin On Paranoia here???