the sound of shattering glass

 It is just a story I want you to know. I want to trade a secret with you. Sometimes people confuse intimacy with physical intimacy. It is not that. I read this somewhere. Intimacy is trading of secrets in the dark. I have been very intimate with you. I have been you. And you have been me. Yes, me. In the moments we did that, we were intimate. But the day broke before we could trade all our secrets. The darkness ditched us, you and me. Our story couldn't end. It is broken, unfinished. I couldn't tell you many things I feel I should have. And I definitely wanted to know you more. Oh, so much more. I have moved into a new place. Change is the hardest thing to take in such circumstances. I don't go out of my room much. I stay in here and imagine I am with you. I part my curtains to play with the wind-chime that hung from your window. And I don't find it. There are these pangs that my heart feels it wouldn't survive, any longer. A feeling of a sudden loneliness, a realization that happens only again and again. When I part the curtains, to look out of the window, I see a graveyard. When I wake up in the night, crying, I stare at the graveyard where the dead lay, in forced peace. I secretly look at them, so that they don't get to know that I am looking. I wonder if they walk at night. I wonder if I could talk to them. I want to stay shut and scream aloud at the same time. I say I hate you and I love you in the same breath. I do. I had started writing about something else, and have ended up having written about something entirely different. But I will let this go, like I let everything else go. Like I let you go. My secrets suffocate me thesedays that I have noone to trade them with. So much that I want to talk to ghosts. Yeah..


Anyway..

12 comments:

Mansi said...

oh that made me nostalgic.....each word here is direct from your heart...its like me writting these lines for him.....cant think of anything else in my life!!!!!!

~*~ Jal Pari ~*~ said...

I can so relate to this.

Thanks for writing straight from the heart!

arvind said...

ghost? so u selected me to share!

secrets..

yes.. evryone carries a person in their whole life.. not necessarily the person himself aware of that..
how much s/he has been loved..

that secret alone is beautiful and make the life more interesting..
just have a glimps of ur SECRET..

Boobesh said...

Speechless. as always...try and convert loneliness to emptiness..will feel much better...

wildflower said...

Mansi..
that gives me hope..of recovery

Jal..
couldn't help it!

arvind
yeah..even m surprised i chose u!

Boobesh
i don't think i can, this loneliness is here to stay..

The Rain Crab said...

"My secrets suffocate me these days that I have no one to trade them with" i loved these lines wild... The suffocation is really weird... i jus hope it ends soon cos i know how bad it is!

wildflower said...

shud i say, may be i feel helped when i see someone who have been there and done tht.. thanx! i hope i do,..Rain

$uch! said...

I say I hate you and I love you in the same breath :)
very true
I can so relate to this
:)

academically impaired said...

~sigh~
~LONG SIGH~

wildflower said...

@ S..
hmm.. the heart changes statements that fast!

@ Lucky
yeah, i know, bad time.. :|

ani_aset said...

aah :) in love in love.. imaginations get wings :D

Amrita Sabat said...

wat a soulful writing......u can't b so lonely! i dnt believe this! but if dis loneliness is makin u write so well.....then b it!! be it.....that u share ur every secret with me.........