Just Friends

Platonic is too idealistic a word, she said. No relationship can be entirely platonic. At some point of time every woman keeps the guy she's with in that special place in her heart, tries to figure out if he fits. If he doesn't, best thing ever. If he does, things get screwed. But probably, I never made it to that place in her heart, the tipping point. I must have stopped an inch behind it. And even if I did reach it, I must've been a bad fit, and she wouldn't tell me how badly I had failed. To add to my string of failures, another. She knew, I could never fit, I wasn't made to fit. She respected that, silently. I understood her, was vocal about it a lot.

Unable to contain my frustrations anymore, I quit college the year before I would've graduated. She got that degree, got married. I dropped-out to pursue art. Never married, not yet. We lost touch.

But all her man-woman theories took us, her and I, as an out-lier, an exception. She classified the men in her life into two water-tight chambers, the ones she was friends with, the rest she could ever be romantically inclined to. The former category was obviously for the ones like me, who failed the test or the ones who could never sit for it. We got to see her worst, see her for real. The ones she was romantically inclined to, the ones who always only saw her suave, coy, never stayed beyond a time. Even then, there wasn't any porosity allowed between the two chambers. She got scared if a friend flirted, and that scared me hell-lot. Not that I was possessive of her, or afraid that we would lose each other, but just that she had become a habit, a part of my day. And with the oscillations my psyche was victim to, it felt comforting to have one companion that would stay.

I never exactly got to figure out her perception of me though. I never asked, our conversations, strangely never took us on those lanes. Provided the stretch of time, it now appears impossible, but happen it did.

The day, I was leaving, she helped me pack. She had two more terms of college, all to herself. I wondered if all that was between us, could ever happen again, to either of us, separately in life. She looked me in the eye and said, It hurts to say that no man will know me the way you do. I stayed shut.

But yeah, it hurts. Still does

24 comments:

Mayz said...

i neva have words to comment on ur posts so i normally abstain from writin somethin which mite not do justice to ur words.

but this time arnd i jus cant walk away silently again...this post tugged at somethin inside me...like an unexplainable truth being presented to the whole world to gawk at...hmmm see again i dont think m makin sense...

so i'll jus applause your for this n leave

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Gasp... I am speechless, still I will try.

It was umm, a mixed emotion. Sad, poetic, musical, melancholic, loving, friendly, doubtful, mesmerizing... the list goes on... add any good and sad words you like, this post has them all.

Blasphemous Aesthete

Rajita said...

:) my sentiments in many ways

Anonymous said...

well i entirely agree with what u hv penned dwn.. but being a boy i jst want to knw is this d case with evry gal..

nOt anyone you know said...

there are a thousand questions...they are better left unanswered, they draw a lot of complications. but what will it be like to be loved by someone who has known you for life,known at your ugliest best.

it hurts, does.

Voice said...

you writing style is good :)

Zave said...

Great to see this coming from you.
But the unanswered questions always hurt, why not answer them and save all the mind games?
I'm still to unravel the mystery behind it!
:P

D2 said...

Maybe some questions are best left unanswered for a while. Maybe there's an opportune moment, no, a moment of utmost clarity where such questions should be answered in all completeness.
I kind of know how that feels, what you've described spectacularly here. So with that idea, I think girls have their (your) own way of thinking that we guys would not understand in a mere moment but given time but maybe some moments are just meant to be left as they are and cherished that way.

wildflower said...

Mayank
Hmm..I'd no idea this was that big a truth..

Blasphemous Aesthete
dno if i shud smile.. :|

Rajita..
I know!

Anonymous
differs from a gal to gal basis?!
:P

nOt anyone you know..
I am scared of questions, they mostly end things

Voice
Merci!

Zave
If it were all that easy, you & i wont have been writing blogs! :)

D2
Opportune moment..? I ask a lot of questions to this guy I know. He postpones them all, waits for the opportune moment. Hope both of you are right and a moment like that exists for real!

wildflower said...

While writing this, I never realized, but this piece has a lot of pain in it. Lots of it. I almost cried, Strange!

(¯`•._.•[Raajii]•._.•´¯) said...

oh this is so sad. So sad :(

Boobesh said...

when i read yr blog and come to the comment section to comment. i can see all my thought have been already captured in here by others.so i jus go back silently thinking its redundant.

Mayz. totally reflected wat i liked to say here

Boobesh said...

Girl: She looked me in the eye and said, It hurts to say that no man will know me the way you do.
Boy: I stayed shut.

this really says a lot abt a boy & a girl.

i always felt that beautiful things are meant to be felt and not said...

elise said...

A sad story so beautifully written....
Makes me remember those 'could-have-been' men of my past.

Borrowing your word, now I am never married, not yet. We lost touch....

Anonymous said...

i dnt thnk it varies frm gal to gal..all gals r d same..de knw hw to use their frnds who are d closest to dem..de knw hw 2 hurt d boys...evrytym a gal's smile or tear makes d boy do anythng..

wildflower said...

Raaji
Yeah, some people stopped reading me because my writing gives them a depression! :|

elise
yeah..possibilities!!

Boobesh
smtyms, communication is the key! verbal communication i.e.

Anonymous..
Dude..! how badly heartbroken ar ye?! Trust me, all girls aren't like the one who broke u up this badly..but please be more careful abt choosing the girls u fall for!

arvind said...

very stylish one..

the last para remind me a post of Rajji - he drowning in unconscious of an accident by remembering her..

that mystery is always put more interest in our life..

Tan said...

u kno where to write it!! go baby go!!!!

arvind said...

forget to write..

"a love know only one - caring"

wildflower said...

thanx Tan :)

Bloody Mary said...

beautiful

$uch! said...

:)

Grace Personified said...

you write like a dream, and you hit so many nails right at their heads that its uncanny.

wildflower said...

thats the best thing anyone ever told about my writing! :)