Criminal Isolation.

I have been isolated for the last two years. Or I have been in a place where complete isolation is more possible. There is very few people I know. And I take every care to keep them respectably distant. It's a small hilly town, everything about it is petite, and if you're an optimist, then adorable. I haven't seen a big city in quite a while, tempting sky scrapers and liberating highways. So much so that I might find them intimidating when I am there, the next time.

What I should be scared about though is that, that next time isn't very far away. I just have a couple of months left to live in this hilly town, post which I would have to pack my bags and go. Just go. Where? I don't know! But go I have to, there is no escaping that. Nothing is forever. I have to go and find my place amongst a bunch of strangers. What I am scared of is that I am doubtful if these sturdy walls of my isolation would still hold then. Probably and honestly, I think they wouldn't. It so sucks to say this, but they wouldn't. Only I would break them down, the fruits of my own sweat and blood, to let in a few straying temptations, surrender before them, and suffer their brutal consequences until they leave me, injured and abandoned. All over again. Temptations, I tell you.

And post that, it would take again, a lot of my time and labor, persuasion and tears, to built those walls again from their ruins, around myself, to protect me, to isolate me, to convince me never to break them down again. These walls. Why does one have to go about life, being aware of every potential trap that awaits her. Doesn't it feel like building your own tombstone already. Oh!

10 comments:

Colours said...

y do u want to build walls around you??? open up, be free, be happy..:) if u fear getting hurt, u wont get to live life..

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Perhaps, don't trust anybody, not even these walls...

As he said:
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Don't let your soul get lonely
Child, it's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you that's where you'll find kindness

~Ray LaMontagne - Be here now.

:)
And I have never been in that open flood of strangers called a big city. I am preparing, because I too have little time to launch.

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

The Sage said...

Every loneliness is a pinnacle, or so proclaimed Ayn Rand.

But for loneliness why need walls?? why not simpler ways?? think it over..

Rajita said...

Each of us our strangers to each other, so just think all are in the same boat. That thought always liberates me and lets me be unaffected.

wildflower said...

Colours
I ain't 13 anymore, my darling! I have to look so much before I leap, that sometimes I just keep looking.

BA
I realize the significance of I. Gud luck to you!

Rishi
Can't say I am not a fan of hers. But what other way would you suggest?

Rajita
I really need to step into other peoples' shoes sometimes, don't I?

D2 said...

I believe every new life is an adventure. It's always better to look upon it in a positive manner. So where are you off to now?

The Sage said...

be yourself... then you'll care for company which will offer you your solitude even when they are around, but will never leave you alone!!

wildflower said...

D2
Good that you think so! :) As of now, I have no idea where I am headed, the sooner I know, the better..

Rishi
Isn't that the kind of company all of us have been looking forward to for all our lives!

The Sage said...

therein lies the catch, flo... you wont find it till the time you keep looking for it... and when you stop looking, you'll find it!!

wildflower said...

But I can't stop looking for it until I stop looking for it.