big fat lie

with soft steps, you enter my world, break one inhibition after another, without causing the slightest hurt, you tell me that an 'us' exists, without saying a word, you stand by me when i need you the most, bring magic into my life, scoop-fulls of happyness, with each passing day, you know me more, the beats of my heart, stumble every now and then, with the fear of losing you, the want to always have you close, just to look at you smile, create compulsive emotions, this crazy fixation, oh baby, what do i do!

now your eyes are pools, deep in them i can see your soul, and now your eyes are mirrors, i can see my own self inside you, your warmth makes me feel so secure, you make life so much more worth living, you make me want to make time stop, you know like, to hold our moments tight in my hands, and never let them go, like baby oh!

but everything i just said is a lie, my heart has been broken so many times baby, and so badly everytime, i have become too good at lying, at fantasizing, and day dreaming, i would do anything inside my mind, but i wouldn't take the risk of love ever again in life, not for you, not even for me, i have just had my share of crap baby, no more, no more oh baby, what do i do!

oh baby oh! 


Zave said...

And now that you've lost all hope, why even think about it?
But just 'cause you are pondering over the issue is in fact a proof that you have not yet given up.
Hurry and save yourself before its too late...

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

it sounds like a melody though it has a pang in it. Nice read!

Vaga Bond said...

though i am no one to pass a judgment, but why do you write only about love ? is it necessary to bleed all the time ? When all these people applaud your wonderful writing skills, does it not feel like philandering your emotions away? I don't know if you are using it as a therapy, or you just like writing this stuff. But this propensity to scratch at wounds and make them bleed is like an addiction, like opium, and the more u get applauded for it, the more this addiction will take hold. All i can say is that, if these are real emotions and not all fiction, it is not helping you at all, seriously. it is not. You can be more than a possessed soul. I don't want to sound obnoxious but I wish to remind you of the story of Narcissus. Come out of yourself and find other meanings in life. There are way more things to talk about. You have a gift of language, use it as a tool for changing lives.
I know I am saying way more than I am entitled to but as someone who admires your writing and reads your blog, but has also experienced many of the episodes that you exemplify in your blogs, I could not keep myself from expressing what i feel. Ignore it if you will

Hopeless Romantic said...

I so second with Vagabond thoughts...i am someone who is read your whole blog and still reads you (though without comments)...its time you should use your writing skills to change least that's what drives my writing even after nasty experiences in my ex relationships!


Rajita said...

I don't agree with the comments above cos I think love is the sole reason and purpose of life

One can write about hundreds of stuff but its love which holds you together

And when there is lack of love and no-one to hold..then you tend to write such stuff

But yes, if you do feel like, do write about other stuff

You need to write for yourself and for no one else!

The Sage said...

can i give a suggestion?? might sound pompous, and heartless, but try giving up self pity...

The Rain Crab said...

I liked the last para... many girls does this!!! they don say it out the instant it hurts... dunno if its good or bad.. but all relationships are complicated... at the end it stays if itz destined to!

wildflower said...

Fallacy of being human. I hope despite my history of hopelessness. Also, I do so because I choose to.

you being the only one who felt so, thankyou!

Yes, I want to use writing as a therapy, but it doesn't work that way. Somehow, I am wired to be a pessimist and a cynic. It's not that I am not trying to change myself, I am. Also, I am aware that I have the gift of words, this is the one thing that makes me feel worthwhile. Gradually, I am beginning to believe that life is not all about love, and like as you said, I am looking for other meanings of life. But it is taking longer than usual. I cannot outgrow love so soon, so easily. It is like the driving force of my life, so I would give it sometime to leave, if leave it has to. Meanwhile, I shall write. And, what you think, means a lot to me, trust me. I have thought over this, a lot, almost the whole of last night! Thanks..

wildflower said...

If you feel that my writing can change lives, I am somewhat selfish, I will use it to first change mine!

I am you. You are me.

I do, but it keeps coming back without a warning. Normally I am pretty stable as a person, except that sometimes, I want to just break down and vent it all out!

Destiny! Yeah, someday, somewhere :) Gud Luck!

nOt anyone you know said...

* wouldn't take the risk of love ever again in life*

tell me if u succeed.

N!V said...

The 1st two paragraphs depict exactly how i feel..exactly..the 3rd one made me shud have a happy ending..i know u too will have a "happily ever after" kind of thing.. :)

and i believe that the beauty of ur words appears due to the depth of ur feelings..u create this magic only because u feel so strongly when u sit to write..wud love to see u write on different topics, but only if u write with similar passion..

bless u my wildflower..may u attain so much happiness that u never feel like writing about sad stuff..

Vaga Bond said...

honestly I hate people giving advice on blogs. if i were u i would have told me to fuck off. but i did not know where else to say what i wanted to.
Anyways I am glad you are not taking my comment otherwise. It takes time and it is absolutely fine. And true you must write for yourself and no other. but all i want to warn you against is the possibility that you may keep staring at a closed door for so long that you miss the other fabulous doors open for you. All the best

wildflower said...

Glad to have you around :) It helps!

Yup.. it's hazy, but I'm still tryn to see.. :)

nOt anyone
ROFL ;) I sure will..wait an eternitieeeeee......~~

$uch! said...

at times we all lie, I suppose

wildflower said...

thnks fr bringin d number up2 14..13 isalways ominous :|