Encore

He had begun loving her eyes the most. They had in them, an unbelievable intensity of the unknown. Everytime they met and talked, it was hard for him to focus on what she was saying. Those conversations that lasted for over a few minutes, hardly, were cleverly carved out. He had to ensure their meetings seemed purely coincidental and pleasantly unexpected. He began asking her things that would make her feel that he knew her life. But he never made his intentions known enough. There were a few inhibitions.

There was another woman, the one he thought he had loved, so far. Until he met this damsel with sparkling eyes. He was confused initially about the myriad of feelings in his mind. Who was it that he loved? He had this huge sense of responsibility for this previous woman, he had known her for sometime now, leaving her would cause enormous hurt to her and guilt to him. Love had replaced itself in his heart, positioned itself for a new person. He couldn't stop thinking about this new woman, enchanted he was. This enchantment was however interspersed with horrible pangs of remorse. Was it possible, or rather feasible to be in love with two women? And then what was love?

Wasn't it the rushing hormones, an unexplainable emotion, blinded passion initially, followed by phases of mellow romance, knowing for real the person who you had buzzed around like a crazy bee, followed by a stretch of sultry maturity when you are hanging by the other end of the thread, desperately trying, looking for reason in the face of a dying passion, to convince yourself that you are still in love, but mostly falling out of it.

What does happen when we are given the object of our desire? We cease to give it any value. And then we move on to other objects of desire, desires that hadn't revealed themselves yet, and now are running around naked, not wanting to be clothed, screaming at the top of our voices inside our heads that she is the one and not the one that was previous to this. Deny, if you are a seasoned committed lover. Philanderer, agree with me!

In the later days of knowing this dewy eyed temptress, he began avoiding his ex-, trying to subtly convey the slight change in priorities. Guilt was replaced by complacency, he began expecting her to move on. Focusing his energies on this new game. Flirting with the idea of love, all over again. Encore eh!

13 comments:

nOt anyone you know said...

i want to say something to this...but i can't frame it. just acknowledge that i do want to say a lot to this.

D2 said...

All I'll say is, being in the very situation you have described so very well, it's brilliant how things can also turn around the other way. The guy may be in love with the new woman, but the guilt is sometimes overwhelmingly strong.

Rajita said...

Love and guilt dont get along..
Nicely written

Surya Prakash V said...

Started with a response ended with a post:

http://randomflickersoflight.blogspot.com/2010/09/monogamous-and-challenged.html

PS - Nice and well thought out!

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

I think I know someone who is of this type... but I know that person is also fighting it :)

wildflower said...

nOt anyone
Acknowledged! But would kill to know what you'd to say..

D2
Guilt sucks actually. The guy must be in a total mess then..

Rajita
thanks :) you saying that means a lot!

V
Shall Read!

BA
love is so wild a thing that it and commitment rarely get along, so yeah such instances are quite common.

nOt anyone you know said...

can you imagine the mess the girl would be in when she realizes that it is guilt and sympathy that is driving the guy to her? it is pathetic...it is a mess.

(ref: your response to D2)

D2 said...

The guy would continue to be in a mess for a long long time.

@Not Everyone you Know - Pathetic as it seems, it's best that poor girl (the first one) never finds out about that guilt and shame. Because in the end, the guy did come back to her. And guilt wasn't the only driving force. The love that was there even before the new girl showed up should still be honoured.

wildflower said...

Yeah, a woman wants to be loved for the right reasons. If she is pretty, she wants to be loved for things other than that. If she is ugly, she wants to be loved for her inner beauty..

Had human beings designed to be totally monogamous, all this mess could've been done away with.

Grace Personified said...

@ the discussion : what is so wrong with the feeling of a sense of responsibility?

@ wildflower : Cheesy as it may sound, I don't think there are any 'right' reasons to love someone :)

A great fan of your work!

nOt anyone you know said...

Had human beings designed to be totally monogamous, all this mess could've been done away with.

big time agreed!

The love that was there even before the new girl showed up should still be honored.
and
what is so wrong with the feeling of a sense of responsibility?

guilt is not sense of responsibility,
and
@D2 coming back to the girl was driven by guilt to start with, there is a difference between falling for the other girl, being enthralled by her and having second thoughts.


(i m sorry i just can't help myself)

arvind said...

its a easy one..
towards whom - ur conscious is going behind.. but is that love?

the consciousness going behind her - towards each and every aspect - even through the eyes.. but is that love?

a love is an energy flow - flowing out - without any effort.. efforts and objects are not at all needed..

hi.. some of ur descriptions - making me to feel that - u r out of the woods now-a-days..

wildflower said...

Grace
U're right indeed. Love must be like that.. but I was trying to draw a line between love and the want to be loved, but lets not analyze anymore, and let love be..