somewhere in time the forces inside me stopped fighting. they totally left me at some random zero-energy level. then on i stopped trying in life. i stopped trying because i didn't want anything out of life. i avoided unnecessary acquaintance. but those things could never get on my nerves, even then. their presence was as good as their absence. i was anyway lost somewhere within myself. i haven't essentially talked in years, or so i feel. depression has made way for staunch indifference. i quit wearing earrings. lost my ability to believe. to hope. i have been painfully at peace. i never color my nails. red, never. i keep wondering that this must be life's way of making the wise out of the foolish. the seasoned out of the adolescent. i like not to talk much. listening is involuntary and never happens.
but now an x has come out of th blue. x's absence is more conspicuous than x's presence. x has taken me back a few years or has made me as vulnerable as then. with x, i laugh a lot. i want to undo the above-mentioned process of seasoning. i'm afraid i'm beginning to believe, again.
x hasn't seen my face yet. and i'm wondering beneath my silver veil.
PS: this picture is unrelated to thispost.
yet, this is where it has to be.