It takes getting used to. Words change their meanings. Sometimes you don't know if there is anything left you could still talk about. The set of your topics shrinks so much. The change is unbearably abrupt. Nah! it is quite bearable, but having a relapse is just too tempting. The boundaries of human patience are pushed to degrees where they just might give away. It is ridiculous I know, but loneliness eats into your cerebellum. It gets so fucking pathetic that it could kill your being. Memories make frequent visits, like unwanted guests.

Love has all these tantrums before it empties your heart. Like a tenant that never paid any rent and wouldn't get out either. You chose to end it because it wouldn't go anywhere. You chose to end it because you thought you deserved better than the ache.

You chose to end it and tried so much, so much to make life normal and possible without love. You would get back to smoking if it gave you another mere engagement. You talked to walls. You cried your pillow wet when alone, screamed at friends who had no idea what the hell you were going through. All that, just to move on. But even after all that self imposed penance, a relapse seems so easy. So easy, what soft putty are human hearts made of, tell me somebody!

It takes getting used to. It takes time, and quite a lot of it.


Anonymous said...

Your self anaysis is simply fantastic. You write what you feel which keeps me coming back to read more; I adore the way you write your thoughts. I pray that you find some peace within yourself as you deserve so muc more.
God bless and be well dear friend.

$uch! said...


wildflower said...

m honored..! thnka :D

i shudnt thank yu for always being there durin these tough times.. .. i with all my liberty take yu for granted :P


WritingsForLife said...

I can so painfully relate to this one. I am relapsing these days :-)

wildflower said...

i wanna get outta this once n 4 al.. u've ne idea how thtz posbl..?

$uch! said...

tats nt possible :(

wildflower said...

've realized that, knee-deep in slurr! :-(

Zave said...

Would it seem a mere coincidence if I said every word of what you said applies to me right now.
And I mean literally.
You really excel at art of portraying the unsaid, unheard, untold and meaningless ramblings of the heart and soul.