Abandoned

The first time you left me, I was angry. My uncontrollable rage wouldn't even let me ask for your reason. I was mad at me and my fate because of which I lost you. I kept asking myself, how could anyone forget anyone so easily? Was forgetting that easy a process after all? Teach me someone! Because I have serious problems forgetting certain people in my life. So many why's popped up inside my head, but my heart was ashamed. I cried myself to sleep, bit my lips, trying to overcome this unknown emotion, but I didn't try to confront you. Rather I stared at the horizon, waiting hopelessly for time to answer my questions.

The second time you abandoned me, I was almost in love with you. I was heartbroken. I wouldn't look at my face in the mirror because somewhere deep down I felt it was because of me that you had left me. I was the reason, for the betrayal, for my own estrangement. Some undiscovered flaw in me, or a pretty obvious one had made you hate me. I looked into myself, I got lost. I kept blaming myself, I wanted to cure the flaw, call you back, at any cost. I was so distressed, I indulged. In long walks, got lost amongst strangers, kept taking pictures to keep my mind off you. My life froze, completely. There was no way I could console myself. I was heartbroken.

The third time you left without a notice, I was expecting to see your face the first thing in the morning, probably give you a good morning kiss. A moist one, with the remnants of the dreams that I had seen in the night, of us. But you had left. Then I went on an indiscriminate shopping spree. At the end of the day it dawned on me that you are only incredibly stupid. Incredibly stupid to leave me. Or may be you are a trifle insane too. So this time around, I let you leave.

18 comments:

$uch! said...

You took my heart away....
I Love You :)

arvind said...

"was forgetting that easy a process after all"

hi.. just came across the beautiful poems of daya..

what is godliness?
god operating this world from some where else! childish..

everybody seek everything in the materialistic world - car, house, money etc etc and nvr get satisfaction in this world.. but they are very much satisfied innerly..

a seeker - satisfy with the outside world - what ever he/she gets from the outward world..
but nvr satisfies with the inner..
they nvr end with their inner..

they always feel through out their life: "this is the not the end of me.. me have other POSSIBILITIES.."
godliness..(52!)

me already read two time - this post.. would like to read one more time - before commeting.. the above is just a SHARING..

Vagabond said...

" Celine: I’m happy you’re saying that because...I mean, I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like (snaps her fingers) this! You know? People just have an affair or even...entire relationships...they break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person have...their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost."

i know for a fact "i let you leave" is easier said than done.
take care.

Mayz said...

....
stupid him

wildflower said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

....
stupid him

~Mayz

Anonymous said...

" Celine: I’m happy you’re saying that because...I mean, I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like (snaps her fingers) this! You know? People just have an affair or even...entire relationships...they break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person have...their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost."

i know for a fact "i let you leave" is easier said than done.
take care.
~Vagabond

Anonymous said...

"was forgetting that easy a process after all"

hi.. just came across the beautiful poems of daya..

what is godliness?
god operating this world from some where else! childish..

everybody seek everything in the materialistic world - car, house, money etc etc and nvr get satisfaction in this world.. but they are very much satisfied innerly..

a seeker - satisfy with the outside world - what ever he/she gets from the outward world..
but nvr satisfies with the inner..
they nvr end with their inner..

they always feel through out their life: "this is the not the end of me.. me have other POSSIBILITIES.."
godliness..(52!)

me already read two time - this post.. would like to read one more time - before commeting.. the above is just a SHARING..

~arvind

wildflower said...

@ all..
sorry guys had to do things with your comments because i accidentally lost them..! & i let them leave, like i let him leave..hope you will understand :D

N!V said...

Ya..they were insane..or may be they weren't worthy of you..after years of cursing my fate, even I found the person who's just as perfect for me as can be..with whom even a long distance relationship is bliss..so keep ur faith alive..

Wildflower, i wud love to know more about your perception of love..behind this "i m happy to be alone..i can't be happy with someone", i'm sure you have dreams..wud love to hear them girl..

Anonymous said...

Ya..they were insane..or may be they weren't worthy of you..after years of cursing my fate, even I found the person who's just as perfect for me as can be..with whom even a long distance relationship is bliss..so keep ur faith alive..

Wildflower, i wud love to know more about your perception of love..behind this "i m happy to be alone..i can't be happy with someone", i'm sure you have dreams..wud love to hear them girl..

~N!V

SammY said...

It takes the death of hope to let ppl go,.. Is not easy,.. But still,. Hey try the song SNUFF from Slipknot,. :)

wildflower said...

@ Vagabond
I am good @ playin mind games with myself :|

@ N!V
happy 4 yu :)

@ Sam
Ya, it ain't easy, but who wants to do all eazy thngs arnd ere.. ;)

Hopeless Romantic said...

I can so very relate to this...i am going through such a phase...

(¯`•._.•[Raajii]•._.•´¯) said...

I cannot tell you how painfully I can relate to this! :-)

wildflower said...

@ Hopeless..
herez wishin ya a quick recovery..!

@ Raaji
& yet yu smiled @ d end..?!

Zave said...

Let go!
I have a dangerous history there.
I won't even dare think about it.
And yet, the end is the same, I believe the other one is stupid and insane for sure.
Don't know if that applies to me as well.

wildflower said...

For the record:

A fourth paragraph need now be added. This time around, we parted being ourselves. We parted because we were ourselves. And I sincerely hope this is the last and final amendment to this post.